The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
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Sample Response
The line chart shows the changes in the number of participants for different activities at a social centre in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 andto 2020.
Overall, it is clear that participants in film club was the most popular activity over the period and maintainedremained a stable trend with martial arts. In addition, significant growthIn addition, a significant growth could be seen in the number of participantsin number of participants attending table tennis and musical performancesperformance, whereas amateur dramatics declined noticeably overfor the period.
In 2000, about 16 people participated in table tennis, compared with zero peoplecompared zero people in musical performance. The figure for table tennis thenThen figure in table tennis rose to 20 in 2005 and 2010, before subsequentlyand 2010 and subsequently surged to 53 in 2020, finally becoming the second most popular activitysecond largest activities. At the same time, the figure forin musical performance showed a marked increase, from zero people in both 2000 and 2005 to around 11 in 2010, 14 in 2015 and around 18 in 202016 in 2020.
Turning to film club and martial arts, the number of people in film club remainedremain steady at around 63 throughout the period, and martial arts with a similar trend fluctuated between 31 and 38. In comparison, amateur dramatics started at around 26 in 2000started in 27 by 2000 and reached nearly 28reached to 20 in 2005 before declining to 6 in 2020.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively highlights key trends and supports them with accurate data points across all categories. Progression is logical, though coherence is occasionally weakened by awkward phrasing and minor factual slips regarding specific yearly figures. To improve performance, focus on refining preposition choices and grammar accuracy when linking complex sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends are clearly identified in an overview, and data points for all five activities are effectively reported.
Ensure all minor numbers and minor data movements, such as the peak in amateur dramatics in 2005, are recorded accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into distinct paragraphs, making the overall progression easy to follow.
Refine linking phrases and comparisons so that expressions like remaining stable alongside another trend convey clear relationships.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary is used effectively to describe increases, decreases, and fluctuations.
Pay attention to word forms and noun phrases, ensuring correct plural endings such as second largest activity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted, but recurring grammatical and prepositional errors are present throughout.
Focus on correcting preposition use with figures and dates, as well as maintaining consistent subject-verb agreement.