The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
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Sample Response
The graph illustratesprovides a visual representation of the number of participants for various activities at a social centre in Melbourne, Australia,Melbourne's social centre in Australia between the years 2000 and 2020.
Overall, the number of participants in martial arts and the film club remained relatively stable. Meanwhile, noticeable upward trends were observed in participation for both table tennis and musical performances. This is in sharp contrast with amateur dramatics,with the amateur dramatics, which showed a considerable drop in numbers by the year 2020. The film club remained the most popular activityremained at the highest peak of the graph with around 65 participants. Also, slight fluctuationsAlso, Slight fluctuation was observed in the number of participants for martial arts. In 2020, the number rose slightly to itsrose slightly its highest level with nearly 40 individuals. Table tennis illustrated a sharp rise in numbers starting from 2010, rising from 20in numbers in 2010, from roughly 20 to aroundroughly 54 participants by the year 2020. Attendance for musical performances remained at zero until 2005, after which it grew steadily to just under 20 attendees in 2020.
In contrast, the amateur dramatics experienced a sharp drop in numbersillustrated a sharp drop in number after the year 2005. In 2010, the figure for amateur dramatics intersected with that of table tennis at 20 participants, before continuing to fall rapidly to around 6 by the end of 2020.
Why this response received Band 7.0
layout formatting is well-handled, featuring accurate data reporting and a clear overview of general trends. The essay's primary weakness is paragraph structure, as body details are merged directly into the overview section rather than organized into distinct paragraphs. Separating the overview paragraph cleanly from detailed body paragraphs will yield the most immediate improvement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response successfully identifies key trends, compares data points accurately, and includes a clear overview.
Ensure all detailed statistics are placed strictly within dedicated body paragraphs rather than mixed into the overview section.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is presented in a logical sequence with a variety of appropriate cohesive devices, though paragraph divisions are unevenly balanced.
Group related data into separate, well-defined body paragraphs after the introductory overview to improve structural clarity.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary appropriate for describing data trends and changes is used accurately throughout the text.
Focus on precise prepositional usage when introducing peak values and statistical limits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is demonstrated with good grammatical control, despite occasional minor slips.
Proofread carefully for missing prepositions and minor article errors in sentence openings.