When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
In recent times, people dedicate a major part of their liveslife to getting a proper education in order to follow a successfulsuccessfull career path. It is generally believed that salary is the most important factor that should be considered in the process of choosing a job. I partially agree with this notion.
It is evident that nowadays financial stability plays a substantial role in the life of every individualin life of every individual. Choosing a job with a high salary reduces the risk of financial difficulties, namely homelessness and the lack of basic daily needs and products. Also high-paying jobshigh paying jobs provide more opportunities for an individual'sidividual's personal and educational development, such as a chance of international communicationcommunications with other companies worldwide, more flexible schedules and career advancement choices.
On the other hand, the negative effects of choosing a job only based on a high salary should not be overlooked. Such an approachSuch approach has a serious impact on a person's mental health. Being obligated to dedicate a significant amount of one'syour time to a job without having any particular interest in it heightenshightens the risk of severe mental health deteriorationrisk of a severe mental health deterioration, namely stress level escalation, burnoutover-exhaustion and serious depressiondepressions. This will result in profound issues in life and in many cases even the loss of mentaleven loss of mental and financial stability in the future.
To sum up, I personally think that choosing a job only based on a high salary will cause long-lasting problems in life. People should consider personal needs and capabilities before submitting a job applicationsigning up for a job application in order to follow a more personally appealing lifestylefollow more personally appealing lifestyle.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear position and offers well-balanced arguments regarding both the importance of financial earnings and the drawbacks of ignoring personal interest. Progression is smooth throughout the response, supported by relevant main points in each body paragraph. To enhance performance, the candidate should focus on refining vocabulary spelling and expanding grammatical complexity with higher precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The candidate addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear position and relevant supporting arguments.
Provide more concrete examples or further elaborate on the alternative factors to strengthen the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically with clear overall progression and effective paragraph structure.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid relying on repetitive transition words.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of vocabulary with clear meaning, though several noticeable spelling errors are present.
Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling mistakes such as successfull, idividual's, and hightens.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but punctuation and grammatical inaccuracies occur throughout.
Focus on accurate article usage and correct preposition placement in complex sentence structures.