Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
Playing games are considered an instrument of sound mental and physical health. The trend of indoor games such as video games is proliferating and gaining fame among all age groups – from adolescents to adults. However, the impact of this trend has come under scrutiny and has been a concern for many. The protagonists of such games cite that video games are effective educational tools, whereas dissenters void that claim by counting numerous demerits of such games. I too believe that video games are lethal trends and have negative repercussions. Some of the disadvantages will be outlined in following paragraphs. Firstly, while playing video games, players develop the sedentary position which is harmful to them ergonomically. Additionally, incessant exposure to game monitors could be detrimental to their vision. Other than physical impact, video games also impact emotional and social behaviour negatively, especially to children and adolescents. It can be noticed that the themes of a majority of the video games are prominently based on violent battle, massacre or destroying animal and mankind. Overindulgence to such games makes the young minds of children susceptible to emotional indifference. They could like to emulate the destroyers and warriors regarding them as role models. In contrast, enthusiasts enumerate some credits to the account of video games. They believe that playing such games helps to improve your command on the technical gadgets. It is observed that good players are cognizant of the know-hows of computers and can monitor the game efficiently. Being good at the video game is a demand for the new generation. Many children complain that are marginalised in the school if they are not up-to-date with the video games, which leads to embarrassment for them. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that video games have far more disastrous impacts that outweigh its positive sides. In order to control this destructive trend, parents, teachers, lawmakers and each individual will have to contribute to instigate awareness that video games should be controlled or terminated.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Subject agreement Original: Playing games are considered Suggested revision: Playing games is considered Why it matters: A gerund phrase functions as singular, so use 'is'.
- 2. Unnatural phrase Original: instrument of sound mental and physical health Suggested revision: a way to support mental and physical health Why it matters: The original sounds forced and unnatural.
- 3. Natural collocation Original: gaining fame Suggested revision: gaining popularity Why it matters: 'Popularity' is the usual word for a trend becoming common.
- 4. Wrong register Original: The protagonists of such games Suggested revision: Supporters of such games Why it matters: 'Protagonists' usually refers to characters in a story; 'supporters' is clearer.
- 5. Wrong word choice Original: dissenters void that claim Suggested revision: opponents reject that claim Why it matters: 'Void' is not used naturally as a verb here.
- 6. Overstatement Original: lethal trends Suggested revision: harmful activities Why it matters: 'Lethal' means deadly and is too extreme for the argument as written.
- 7. Missing article Original: in following paragraphs Suggested revision: in the following paragraphs Why it matters: The phrase needs 'the'.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: develop the sedentary position Suggested revision: adopt a sedentary posture Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural; 'posture' or 'lifestyle' fits better.
- 9. Verb choice Original: impact emotional and social behaviour negatively Suggested revision: negatively affect emotional and social behaviour Why it matters: This is more natural and concise.
- 10. Preposition error Original: especially to children Suggested revision: especially in children Why it matters: Use 'in children' when describing effects observed among them.
- 11. Parallel list Original: violent battle, massacre or destroying animal and mankind Suggested revision: violent battles, massacres or the destruction of animals and people Why it matters: The list needs parallel nouns and clearer wording.
- 12. Wrong preposition Original: Overindulgence to such games Suggested revision: Overindulgence in such games Why it matters: The correct preposition is 'in'.
Suggested Rewrites
- Playing games are considered Playing games is considered
- instrument of sound mental and physical health a way to support mental and physical health
- gaining fame gaining popularity
- The protagonists of such games Supporters of such games
- dissenters void that claim opponents reject that claim
- lethal trends harmful activities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear view that drawbacks outweigh benefits and mentions both sides. However, the benefits are brief and the essay focuses heavily on harms without weighing them in a balanced, fully developed way.
Add one developed benefits paragraph, then explicitly explain why the harms are more serious or more common than those benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical sequence, but the essay is presented as one long paragraph, which weakens readability and progression. Some transitions are present, but topic shifts are not visually or structurally controlled.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, physical harms, social/emotional harms, benefits, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows some range, but word choice is often over-formal or inaccurate, including 'protagonists', 'dissenters void', 'lethal trends', and 'credits to the account'.
Prefer precise, natural academic vocabulary: 'supporters argue', 'opponents reject this', 'harmful habit', and 'benefits'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, and meaning is usually clear. Errors in agreement, prepositions, articles, and clause structure are frequent and sometimes make sentences awkward.
Edit subject-verb agreement and preposition patterns, especially after nouns like 'impact', 'exposure', and 'command'.