Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
In information technology age, people are engaged with computer programs; one of the most popular computer programs is video games. Although having some negative effect, video games can teach some useful skills. This essay outlines both positive and negative effect of video games. Video games are made in different genres including horror, sport, adventure etc. Some of these games are useful and educational. Players of these games need basic information and skills to complete them. For instance, a plane simulation game requires a player to know primary pilot skills; so the player has to gather some information about pilot skills such as taking off, landing, navigation, and etc. Gradually, the player feels some skills in him. Furthermore, the puzzle games make player challenging with secret points of the game's story. Recent mentioned games type increases players’ creativity. In a nutshell, video games can be useful and educational. On the other hand, some games are not beneficial. The horror game is a good example. They make a bad effect on players’ morality. In addition, playing video games usually is addictive. Video game players play more and more heedless of time. This may cause overweight. Latterly, the main factors of most of the video games are sex and violence. These factors navigate the society to dark way. Thus, video games have undesirable aspects. To conclude, video games have both good and bad impacts. Choosing the right game is the first step to use them rightly. How to play and how much to play are the latter steps. It depends on the player how to act wisely.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: In information technology age Suggested revision: In the information technology age Why it matters: The phrase needs the definite article.
- 2. Unclear wording Original: people are engaged with computer programs Suggested revision: many people spend time using digital entertainment Why it matters: Computer programs is too broad for the topic.
- 3. Plural noun Original: negative effect Suggested revision: negative effects Why it matters: The essay refers to multiple possible effects.
- 4. Plural noun Original: positive and negative effect Suggested revision: positive and negative effects Why it matters: Use the plural after both positive and negative.
- 5. List punctuation Original: horror, sport, adventure etc. Suggested revision: horror, sports, adventure, and other genres Why it matters: Avoid etc. in formal writing and use the plural sports.
- 6. Do not use and etc. Original: taking off, landing, navigation, and etc. Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Etc. already means and others, so and is unnecessary.
- 7. Unnatural phrase Original: feels some skills in him Suggested revision: develops some skills Why it matters: Develops skills is the correct collocation.
- 8. Wrong structure Original: the puzzle games make player challenging Suggested revision: puzzle games challenge players Why it matters: The verb challenge should be used directly.
- 9. Unclear phrase Original: secret points of the game's story Suggested revision: hidden parts of the game's story Why it matters: Hidden parts is clearer than secret points.
- 10. Wrong phrase Original: Recent mentioned games type Suggested revision: These types of games Why it matters: The original phrase is not grammatical or natural.
- 11. Generic plural Original: The horror game is a good example Suggested revision: Horror games are a good example Why it matters: Use the plural when referring to a category.
- 12. Collocation Original: make a bad effect Suggested revision: have a negative effect Why it matters: Have an effect is the correct collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- In information technology age In the information technology age
- people are engaged with computer programs many people spend time using digital entertainment
- negative effect negative effects
- positive and negative effect positive and negative effects
- horror, sport, adventure etc. horror, sports, adventure, and other genres
- taking off, landing, navigation, and etc. Delete
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses benefits and drawbacks of video games, but it does not clearly answer whether drawbacks outweigh benefits.
State a direct opinion in the introduction and conclusion, then compare the strength of the benefits and harms.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic two-sided structure, but it is mostly one paragraph and cohesion is mechanical in places.
Use separate paragraphs for benefits, drawbacks, and final judgment, with clearer topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but limited and often inaccurate, especially around games, effects, addiction, and society.
Use precise phrases such as educational value, problem-solving skills, excessive gaming, sedentary habits, and harmful content.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in articles, plurals, word forms, and sentence construction sometimes reduce clarity.
Check noun phrases and use simple accurate clauses before adding complex examples.