Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
While there are grounds to argue that it would benefit society and young people themselves, if companies choose youngsters for higher positions instead of their senior most staff, it can equally be argued that this would be an infringement on highly positioned older people’s rights as they are forced to retire from their jobs. Therefore, I do not completely favour the view that the older generation must step down from their positionsfall back from their job positions for younger employeesfor the new ones. One argument in favour of promoting younger employees to senior positionsselecting youngsters to the tertiary level is that it would benefit society. It is certainly true that there is a shortage of labour in many fields, and if young people get this positions more easily, then the staggering percentage of the workforce can be allotted, and which, in turn, reduces the unemployment issues up to an extent. In addition, younger employeesyoung brains work more efficiently, potentially enabling organisations to generateand whereupon, organisations bring in remarkable profits. For instance, although there are middle-aged employees in the IT sectorIT fields, most of management teams in the IT sectorthe IT field’s managements are likely to selectpick out young, skilled professionalsyoung and proficient talents in order to achieve better results. There are, however, also strong counterargumentsThere is also, however, strong counter-arguments for appointing youngsters to management level positions and encouraging early retirement of most senior employeestop most employees. One significant reason is that the older people who are highly experienced will play a vital role in companies; this is due to the fact that the necessary skills for top level positions such as leadership skills could only be developed through firsthand knowledge, which could only be improved by the years of service. Besides, removing them from their current positions issending them away from their current positions are morally wrong because each and every company is obliged to have commitments tosome commitments towards their workforce. To put it in a nutshell, despite having real merits on both sides of the argument, I believe, the moral argument against forcing the older generationthe moral part against forcing older generation to retire early slightly outweighsoutweigh the benefits of the younger generation. Hence, in my opinion, youngsters should gain sufficient experienceget the experience thoroughly before seeking higher positionsattempting to acquire higher positions.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its nuanced, consistent opposition to compulsory early retirement while acknowledging possible employment and efficiency benefits for younger workers. Its main limitation is that some reasoning is unclear or logically strained, and the single-paragraph format obscures the argument’s structure; the highest-priority improvement is to separate the viewpoints into focused paragraphs and explain each cause-and-effect claim precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the proposal, presents a qualified position, and considers benefits and objections, although some supporting logic is unclear or insufficiently developed.
Explain more convincingly how promotion of younger workers affects unemployment and why experience and employee rights outweigh that benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from possible benefits to counterarguments and a conclusion is understandable, but one long paragraph and mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each side of the argument, and the conclusion, each led by a precise topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
A reasonable range of formal vocabulary is attempted, but recurrent inaccurate choices and collocations sometimes blur the intended meaning.
Replace imprecise phrases such as “tertiary level,” “staggering percentage,” and “fall back from their job positions” with direct employment terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-linking errors reduce control.
Shorten overloaded sentences and check agreement carefully in phrases such as “these positions,” “counterarguments,” and “retiring employees is morally wrong.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.