Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
There is a widespread belief that modern society should replace workers in large institutionsthe large institutions who have already turned 55who already became 55. Some people are in favour of this viewpoint while many others oppose this idea. Some crucial arguments will be covered in this essay. To begin, people over the age of 55 tend to get tired and exhausted extremely fast, therefore it can affect the quality of work they yield. Not only would employees feel exhaustedNot only employees would feel exhaustion, but the quality of their performanceperformance quality would also be significantly decreased. Moreover, advances in technology can cause some difficultiesengender some misunderstandings among workers. Commonly the majority of employees aged 55 and more can not domesticate new program on a computer or modern technological terms. In order to teach employees, these aspects companies have to contribute money and waste a lot of time. Nevertheless, workers, who have been working for decades aton a company, have enough experience to deal with demandinghard responsibilities. Moreover, managers can easily rely on employees, who work for the same company for a sufficient length of timefor sufficient time. In addition, qualified workersthe qualified workers aged 55 and overaged 55 plus are more dutiful than the inexperienced workers who have just joined the organisation. For instance, my mother does not entrustconfide important documents to young workers at work. Not only because of inexperience but also due to the fact that unskilled employees sometimes do not understand the importance of some assignments, they perform poorly. In professions like law, teaching, research people with decades of experiencedecades’ experiences often outperformmany times outperform the younger people, unlike the technological fields. In these areas, people should not be replaced as soon as they reach the age of 55the age 55 since there are still many contributions those older workersthose aged people can give. To sum up, according to above-mentioned arguments I strongly disagree that the younger generationnew generation could replacealter employees aged 55 and more. Young peoplesociety should try to work harder in order to achieve goals by themselves.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response considers relevant arguments on both sides and develops its opposition through experience, reliability, and profession-specific examples. Its main weakness is control: the position becomes explicit late, the entire essay lacks paragraph breaks, and frequent collocation and grammar errors weaken otherwise clear reasoning. The highest priority is to state the stance early and organise the contrasting arguments into distinct paragraphs while improving natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant arguments for and against compulsory retirement are developed, and the conclusion gives a clear opposing position.
State the disagreement explicitly in the introduction and relate every supporting point more directly to high-position employees and opportunities for younger workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through contrasting arguments, but mechanical linking and the absence of paragraph breaks weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each side of the argument, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, though inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Replace unnatural expressions with precise combinations such as reach the age of 55, learn new software, and handle demanding responsibilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used, but frequent article, preposition, agreement, and clause-pattern errors remain noticeable.
Review complex sentence patterns carefully, especially inversion after not only and article use with singular countable nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.