The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The issue whether 'married women should work or should stay at home to care their children' is always a disputable issue. Strong arguments are present from both sidesboth the sides and let us discuss in detailin a detailed way. Firstly, married women should work to gainget financial independence and theirher income helps the family too. Nowadays, expenses are increasing day by day and this extra income definitely helps the family to meet these expensesovercome the expenses. I observed that the families who are having two salaries always can afford the better education for their children can have a better lifestyle, and can plan better savings. Everybody is aware that many women now receive a good education and acquire skillscurrently many women got a good education and gained skills which are required for the industry. So married women should go tothe work and utilise their skillsskill which benefits societywhich helps to the Society. There is always the other side of the coinan opposite side of a coin. Married women have more responsibility for their children. Children are more closely connected to their mothersconnected more to their mothers, so mothers should take care of children. Mothers should teach children about society and the need for educationabout society, need of education. If married women become busy with workbusy with the work, children's futureschildren future will become uncertain. I observed some children are grown in a systematic way who are taken care by a mother. In Conclusion, I believeprefer married women should work as well as concentrate on their children's careerschildren career. They should balance their work and personal life. Men also needMale too needs to help women in childcarechildren's care.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response presents a recognizable balanced position and offers relevant points about employment, finances, and childcare, so its general line of thought remains understandable. However, it only partly addresses the stated claim about working mothers causing problems such as juvenile delinquency, and its development is weakened by being under length, unparagraphised, and frequently inaccurate. The priority is to evaluate that causal claim directly with developed support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A position emerges and both employment and childcare are discussed, but the specific claim linking working mothers to youth problems is only indirectly addressed.
State a clear degree of agreement and directly evaluate the claimed causes of juvenile delinquency with developed evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognizable sequence, but mechanical transitions, weak sentence linking, and the absence of paragraphing limit progression.
Separate the introduction, contrasting arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer logical links.
Lexical Resource
The response uses enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce naturalness.
Use accurate topic collocations such as care for children, enter the workforce, and children's development instead of literal or vague phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and some complex structures convey the main meaning, though frequent errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction remain noticeable.
Prioritize accurate clause boundaries and noun phrases, especially possessives, articles, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.