Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have argued about how people live in the modern worldhow human life is in the modern days. Some people believeA group of people believe that human beings have become more independent these days, but others think that people depend more on one anotherhumans are more dependent on their kind. This essay will discussThe following essay will discuss both opinions, but in my personal view, I believe that people have become more independent nowadays. Several people believe that people have becomemankind has become more dependent on each other these days. Due to globalisationDue to the globalisation, the cost of living in many countries has increased significantly in recent yearsin the past recent years which forcesenforce both husband and wife to work hard, to meet their family's expensesto fulfil their family's expenditures. As a result, many families are relying on their parents or babysitters to take care of their childrenin taking care of their children. On the other hand, some people think that humans are more independent these days. Firstly, due to the rapid development of medicinerapid development of the medical world, the average life expectancy of human life expectancy has improvedthe human being has positively improved. As older peoplethe senior people are healthier these days, it means that they are less dependent on their siblingssibling or their children. Secondly, with the existence of electronic household devices, such as washing machines and dryerswashing and drying machine and microwave oven, peoplemankind are less dependent on housekeepers. They can simply placeThey could just easily place their dirty clothes in the washing machine or put frozen foodjust place the frozen food in the oven, and it will be ready quicklyit will be ready in an instant. In conclusion, many people think that human beings are more independent these days, but others disagree with the statement. In my point of view, people are less reliant on othersmankind is less reliable to others nowadays, since the world has improved in many ways, especially in medicine and information technologysuch as in the medical field and in information technology.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay addresses both perspectives and gives a clear preference, using relevant examples about childcare, health, and household technology in a generally logical sequence. Its main limitations are the much thinner treatment of dependence, single-paragraph presentation, and frequent agreement and word-form errors. The highest priority is to divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and develop the dependent side with another well-explained reason before refining sentence accuracy and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives an opinion, but the dependent side is developed with only one example and the conclusion repeats rather than deepens the argument.
Give two balanced reasons for each side, then explain clearly why independence is stronger overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical sequence, but it is written as a single paragraph and relies on basic transition phrases. This limits readability and progression.
Divide the response into separate paragraphs for introduction, dependence, independence, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate, with some topic words such as globalisation, life expectancy, and household devices. However, several word choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace broad terms like mankind and human life with more precise references such as people, families, or older adults.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement and word-form errors occur, especially in complex sentences. Meaning remains mostly clear, but accuracy is below the level of the ideas.
Check each complex sentence for a clear subject, correct verb agreement, and accurate pronoun reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.