When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
In the process of choosing a job, the salary is the most vital consideration. High-salary jobs help people to avoid financial struggles but causecauses long-lasting issues, namely chronic fatiguetiredness and depression. I disagree with the notion that salary is the most vital factorthis idea because it is directly connected to severe physical and mental health deterioration.
Individuals who choose high salary jobs strive towards a more stable lifestyle. If people choose to work in high salary jobs, theyIf people choose to work in high salary jobs they do not have to worry about not having sufficient financial resourcesenough means to provide for themselves and their families. For instance, high salary jobs, such as those in design and marketingnamely design and marketing companies, ensure that people can purchase daily essentials, expensive personal care productsself-treatment amenities, namely face and hair products, and also various wellness activitiesrelaxation procedures, such as yoga and pilates classes, and massages, which ensureensures people's well-being.
On the other hand, high salary jobs demand longer working hours ofdemand more working hours from their employees. This kind of approach results in overwork, which will cause severe mental and physical health problems, such as tension headaches, stress and depression. One of the best example for this are doctorsthe doctors, whowhich are one of the highest-paidpayed workers. Doctors and nurses have very tight schedules. They spend a significant amount of their time in the hospital; as a result, a lotas a result a lot of medical workers suffer fromsufferefrom severe health issues even at the early stages of their careerscareer.
In conclusion, although high salary jobs provide more opportunities for a financially stable lifestyle, they cause serious health problemsa serious health problems, which will have a profound effect on an individual'sindividual's health.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear position against prioritizing salary above all else, supporting the argument with relevant points on financial stability and physical health. However, the response slightly under-develops alternative job criteria and contains minor grammatical and spelling inaccuracies. To improve, elaborate further on non-financial factors that make a job desirable and carefully proofread to eliminate basic mechanical errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You take a clear stance against salary being the sole major factor, though the response focuses heavily on health downsides rather than exploring alternative priorities.
Explicitly discuss other key job factors, such as work-life balance or personal passion, to fully address the prompt's comparative focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical paragraph structure with a clear overall progression from intro to conclusion.
Use a wider variety of linking phrases and ensure smooth transitions between opposing viewpoints.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used, though there are minor spelling mistakes and occasional imprecise word choices.
Review spelling for common words like 'paid' and ensure lexical combinations sound natural in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but frequent minor errors in subject-verb agreement and article use are present.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and plural noun phrases carefully to ensure consistent grammatical accuracy.