The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The line graphs compareprovide data on the workforce in six different employment sectorsprofessions in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. OverallAs is observed, the graphs illustrate the growth in female employmentprogress of empowering women in the labourwork market over the twenty-year periodover the twenty years, with the number of women exceedingeven the number of females exceeded the number of males in some sectorssome work fields.
In 1975, the number of male employeesemployed men was considerably higher thanhigher compared to female employment in all sectorsthe number of women in all sectors, particularly inin particular, manufacturing, finance and banking, and the public sector (defence)manufacturing, finance and banking and public sector (defence). By 1995 there was a significant increase in the number of employed womenworking females in communication, finance and marketing and wholesale and retail trade, where the number of employed women in these sectors was around 250, 120 and 550 out of a thousand respectively and these figures roseit rose by approximately 300 out of thousand in each sector. Taking into consideration the number of women surpassed the number of men in communication and wholesale and retail sectors, it is evident that women empowerment in employment sectors in Freedonia had significantly progressed in the given period.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a relevant overview of women’s increased participation and correctly notes that women overtook men in two sectors by 1995. Its main limitation is that the numerical sentence confuses 1975 female figures with 1995 results and leaves several important sector patterns unexplored. The priority is to organise details by year or sector and attach every figure clearly to its sex, sector, and date.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview identifies the central change, but the supporting figures are ambiguously dated and coverage of the six sectors is selective.
Distinguish the 1975 and 1995 values explicitly and add key stable patterns, such as manufacturing and the two public sectors.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly logical overview-to-detail progression, although one very long detail paragraph compresses several comparisons together.
Divide the data into two focused groups and give each comparison a clear reference to the relevant year and sector.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough for the task, but several expressions and labels are imprecise, including work market and finance and marketing.
Use the chart’s exact sector names and more natural phrases such as labour market, female employment, and increased by.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex structures with generally clear meaning, but recurring problems with clause construction, articles, and agreement remain noticeable.
Correct structures such as although the number of females exceeded and considering that the number of women surpassed before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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