The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The line graphs show a comparison between the numbers of male and female employees in six different employment sectorswork fields in Freedonia. The comparison covers a span of 20 years from 1975 to 1995. Overall, higher male employmenta male superiority in specific sectors such asprofessional fields like manufacturing and non-defence public sectors was obvious while female employment rose markedlyprofessional women progressed remarkably during the period. The manufacturing sector in Freedonia had a male workforce that was almost twicealmost twice than its female counterpart, 650,000 and 300,000, respectively, and300,000 respectively and those numbers remained the same in 1975 and 1995. The non-defence public sector hadNon-defence public sectors had a gapa tight margin of 200,000 employees in favour of the male workforcein favour of male workforce. However, other sectors like communications and wholesale & retail trade witnessed a female domination during the 20-year span; male employment in communications remained stablecommunications showed static male employees as the number of male employees remained the same (300,000) while the number of female employeesthe female employee in the same field grew markedlyremarkably grew, from almost 250,000 employees in 1975 to about 550,000 in 1995. Moreover, females took over wholesale & retail trade positions with a number that jumped dramatically from 550,000 to 800,000 in comparison to its male counterpart. The remaining two fields, finance/banking and the defence public sectors, had more male than female workerswitnessed a male supremacy; yet the number of female employeesfemales' number in finance/banking grew rapidly from around 100,000 in 1975 to almost 450,000 in 1995, decreasing the gap significantly between males and females. Besides, a slight increase in female employees was spotted in the defence public sectordefence-public sectors in 1995; however, male employment remained highermales still had the upper hand in that sector.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a detailed and largely accurate account of all six sectors, with a clear overview of persistent male majorities and substantial female gains. Its main limitation is frequently loaded or awkward wording for gender comparisons, together with some imprecise grammar and an undivided paragraph. The priority is to organise sectors by stable versus changing patterns and use neutral expressions such as 'outnumbered' and 'the gap narrowed'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and detailed comparisons cover all six sectors accurately, including stable figures and the strongest growth among female workers.
Make the most important cross-sector contrast even clearer by identifying wholesale and retail trade as the largest female workforce in 1995.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report groups sectors meaningfully and moves through stable and changing patterns with clear progression, despite remaining one long paragraph.
Separate the overview and divide the details into stable sectors and sectors where female employment rose substantially.
Lexical Resource
The response has a broad range for change and comparison, but terms such as 'male superiority', 'female domination', and 'upper hand' are overly evaluative.
Use neutral statistical language such as 'men outnumbered women', 'women became the larger group', and 'the gender gap narrowed'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are handled with generally clear meaning, although errors recur in comparative forms, agreement, and possessive noun phrases.
Practise structures such as 'almost twice as large as' and use consistent plural forms such as 'the number of female employees'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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