The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The provided line graphs compare the number of male and female workers in six employment sectors6 broad job sectors of Freedonia. As is presented in the two line graphs, women's employment rose in several sectorswomen have made a significant improvement in Freedonian job sectors over the 20-year periodover the 20 years. Initially, in 1975, men outnumbered women in all employment sectorsmen were ahead in all job sectors than women. In manufacturingmanufacturing job fields, around 300,000 womenaround 220 women were employed while the number of male employees was just over 600,000well over 600 per thousand. Men were ahead of women in terms of their involvement in jobs in all of the mentioned 6 broad sectors. In Finance/ Banking, wholesale & retail trade, non-defense public sector, women lagged far behindwomen were far more behind than their male counterpartscounterpart. Only in the communications sector were womenOnly in communications sector women were close to men. Among 1000 employees in defence public sector women were less than 50 where men were around 250. The first graph thus depicts the male and female workforcemen and women workforce in Freedonia in 1975. By 1995But after 20 years in 1995, the scenario had changed significantly. Women outnumberedcrossed men in terms of their job involvement in communication and wholesale & retail trade. In defence, the number of women workers doubled compared with the 1975 figuredoubled that the number of 1975, whereas the number of men had decreased to 200. In non-defence sector, the differences had not changed that much but in communications and Finance/ Banking sector women's employment increased significantlywomen have done significant improvement compared to their number 20 years back. In summary, women in Freedonia made remarkable progresshad done a remarkable progress in job sectors and in some cases outnumbered their male counterpartshad superseded their male counterparts.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the central development in women's employment and makes useful comparisons between 1975 and 1995, particularly in communications, wholesale and retail, finance, and the public sectors. Its main limitations are inaccurate figures for manufacturing and defence, repetitive coverage, and frequent awkward grammatical forms. Prioritise verifying each value and grouping sectors by change, while using precise comparison language instead of repeatedly saying one group was 'ahead'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overall trend and several accurate sector comparisons are presented, but some figures are wrong and manufacturing's unchanged pattern is underdeveloped.
Correct women in manufacturing in 1975 to about 300, describe defence's female figure as quadrupling to 100, and note manufacturing remained stable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves chronologically from 1975 to 1995 and ends with a summary, but the single paragraph and repeated points weaken organisation.
Use an overview followed by separate paragraphs for stable sectors and sectors where female employment rose markedly.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for employment comparisons, though repetition and awkward phrases such as 'ahead than' and 'done improvement' reduce precision.
Use 'outnumbered', 'female employment increased', 'the gap narrowed', and 'women overtook men'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The meaning is mostly clear, but articles, comparison structures, plurals, tense consistency, and clause boundaries contain frequent errors.
Use forms such as 'men outnumbered women', 'women were fewer than men', and 'female employment had increased significantly by 1995'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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