The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The provided illustrations compare the male and female workers in different employment sectors in Freedonia over 20 years of time by providing data for the years 1975 and 1995. As is observed from the given line graphs, women were far behind in employment in Freedonia in 1975 but within 20 years they made remarkable progress almost in all sectors and went well ahead of men in communications and wholesale & retail trade sectors. The graphs compare the number of male and female workers in 6 different sectors of Freedonia per thousand. In 1975, more men than women were employed in almost almost all six sectorsall the mentioned sectors of job categories. For instance, approximately 650,000 men were employed650 men were employed in manufacturing-related jobs compared to only 300,000 women300 women per thousand of total employees in the same sectorsectors. In almost all other cases, the numbers of male employees were much higher than those of female employeesthe numbers of male employees were much higher than the women and in the communications sector, menin communication sectors men were slightly ahead of womena bit ahead than female in their employment ratioration. After 20 years, in 1995, women made outstanding progress in Freedonia's employment sectorsFreedonian job sectors. For instance, in communication sectors, about 550,000 women were employedalmost 600 female were employed compared to 300,000 male workers300 male workers per thousand. Women went ahead of men in wholesale & retail trade sectors too. Except for the public sectors (non-defence) women hold the trends of progress compared to men in all other sectors. In 1975 only about 40 women worked in the defence sectordefence sectors and this number grew to about 100,000more than 100 per thousand after 20 years. In summary, women madedid remarkable progress in Freedonia's employment sectorsFreedonian job fields over 20 years and they went ahead of men in many job sectors.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its overview of women’s broad employment gains and their leads in communications and wholesale and retail trade by 1995. However, the supporting detail is selective and sometimes imprecise, while awkward wording and one-block organisation reduce polish. The highest priority is to compare all six sectors systematically, highlighting unchanged manufacturing and the sharp finance and banking increase with accurate figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the broad rise in female employment and two important reversals, but several major sector trends are omitted and some figures are imprecise.
Cover all six sectors selectively, especially unchanged manufacturing and the large finance and banking rise, using figures that match the graphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a broadly logical movement from 1975 to 1995, though repetition and presentation as one continuous block weaken progression.
Separate the overview and the two years into purposeful paragraphs, grouping related comparisons and avoiding repeated summary claims.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for describing changes and comparisons, but recurring collocational and word-form problems reduce precision.
Use accurate combinations such as “made remarkable progress,” “employment ratio,” and “female workers,” while avoiding vague phrases such as “job fields.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but agreement, comparison, and noun-form errors recur despite meaning remaining clear.
Proofread plural forms and comparative structures, particularly phrases such as “more men than women” and references to workers in multiple sectors.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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