Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The world is changingThe world is considered to change a lot day by day. People around the world become more educated than the pastprevious days and they are learning how to live independentlyon their own to avoid dependency on others. In the past, older generationsFirstly, while considering the older generation, people were less educated on averagethey were not educated people on an average, mostly they did not know how to read and write. They needed to take help from others to write letters, officiallegal documents and read letters, newspapers, documents etc. Secondly, older people believed that children should take care of them when they became oldwhile they become old. And children also took responsibility to look after old people. So parents were more dependent on children. Thirdly, parents used to pamperpampered children in older generation, for example, mother took care of homes as father worked outside to bring up family financially, so children were more dependent until the children graduated from universityuntil they graduated from university, even children did not think about doing a part-time job to earn money, since the father took care of financial matters. On the other hand, in the modern world,On the other hand looking into the modern world or generation, almost all of the people are educated and they do not depend on others to write or read. Older people in the modern world are not dependent on their children. They are planning what to do after their retirement to avoid dependency on their children. However, they are considering going to a nursing home if they are not well. Parents in the modern world are teaching the children from childhood onwards how to take care of themselves since both parents work full-timeboth parents working as full-timers so that children can learn how to live on their ownwon. Most of the children from the age of 15 onwardsfrom 15 years onwards are doing part-time jobs to earn and support their expenses. To sum up, in my point of view, in modern world people are not at all dependent on each other; everybody knows how to live on their own.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states a clear view and uses relevant examples about education, retirement, family support, and part-time work to explain increasing independence. Its central limitation is that it compares past dependence with present independence instead of properly discussing both views about the modern world, and frequent language errors reduce control. Add a separate, well-developed paragraph on modern interdependence, then organise the contrast into distinct paragraphs and proofread shorter sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion that people are more independent now and offers examples comparing older and modern generations. However, it does not properly develop the opposite view that people are more dependent on each other in the modern world, so the discuss-both-views task is only partially answered.
Add a full paragraph on modern dependence, such as reliance on technology, global supply chains, public services, employers, and family childcare.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is basic sequencing with firstly, secondly, thirdly, and on the other hand, but the response is one long paragraph and the contrast is confusing because older dependence is compared with modern independence rather than both views about the modern world.
Use separate paragraphs for the first view, the second view, and your opinion, with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for education, family, retirement, and independence, but several phrases are awkward or inaccurate, including previous days, on an average, legal documents, and live on their won.
Use natural phrases such as in the past, on average, official documents, financially independent, and live on their own.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors affect accuracy, especially articles, tense, subject-verb agreement, and clause boundaries. Meaning is usually understandable but often not controlled.
Write shorter sentences and proofread verbs after plural subjects such as people, parents, and children.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.