Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the present era, one group of people thinks that dependence is important Deletewhereas, another group of people think the opposite. In this essay, I will discuss both viewsboth the aspects with examples. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why people are dependent on others. Firstly, in the work environment, people are normally dependentpeople normally dependent on their coworkers as this will help them to produce resultsdeliver the results more quickly and more efficiently. Also, getting suggestions from others will help them to reduce their workloadreduce the work pressure as well as it will make tasks easierease their work. For example, in a marketing job, there are people who take care of sales, planning, customer relationsrelation etc. If they all work together as a team they can succeed in their jobs. On the other hand, in this present generation, people want to be more independentdependent. Some people think that the dependence on othersothers will waste their time and delay the work. Also, becoming independent will increase confidence to face difficult situationsthe difficult situation and enhanceit helps in enhancing decision-making skills. For example, nowadays, most parents send their children to study in boarding schools away from homeboarding school/ away from home, to make them understand the outside environment. Parents think that this will make their children independent, which will help in building their self-confidence and make them successful in their careerscareer as well as in personal life. To sum up, by considering the above benefits, I personally believe that the dependence on other is beneficial in some cases, where our individual effort is not sufficient for the taskfulfilling the requirement. However, in cases where people want to prepare themselves to make important decisions of their own and learn something extra, it is better to be independent. All in all, the decision should be made based on the situation.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay discusses both perspectives with relevant workplace and education examples, and its nuanced conclusion gives a clear situational opinion. The main weakness is that the independence paragraph begins with the opposite claim and both sides remain somewhat general. Correct that contradiction, deepen the causal analysis, and edit recurring agreement and collocation errors so the position reads more confidently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and an opinion are addressed, with relevant examples, but development remains general and one sentence contradicts the intended second view.
Explain why modern systems increase interdependence and why technology or mobility can increase independence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two-sided structure is clear and the conclusion is logical, though some mechanical signposting and a contradictory topic sentence interrupt progression.
Give each body paragraph a precise claim and use referencing rather than repeated generic connectors.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but repeated dependence/independent forms and awkward collocations reduce precision.
Vary wording with rely on, collaboration, autonomy, and make decisions independently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is mostly clear, but missing verbs, agreement, articles, and plural forms recur.
Check every clause for a finite verb and match singular and plural subjects carefully.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.