The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart provides a visual representation of the amount of time men and women, of different employment statuses, namely full-time employed, part-time employed, unemployed, retired, and housewivesnamely full-time, part-time, unemployed, retired and housewives, dedicate to leisure.
Overall, the chart shows that both unemployed and retired people spend the greatest amount of time on leisure activities, which is in sharp contrast with those with full-time jobs.
Statistics show that unemployed men spend nearly 85 hours per week on leisure activities, which is followed by retired menman with approximately 84 hours. Furthermore, men with full-time jobs dedicate roughly 4445 hours of their time to leisure weekly. The chart provides no data about the leisure time of men with part-time jobs.
Regarding females, unemployed and retired women dedicate the same amount of time, roughly 78 hours, to leisure activities during the week. They are followed by housewives with roughly 50 hours. Lastly, women with both full-time and part-time jobs recorded the least amount of time spentspend on leisure activities, approximately 37 hours and 40 hours weekly, respectivelyapproximately 38-40 hours weekly.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear and well-structured summary of the chart with accurate data reporting and a clear overview. Key trends and comparative figures are highlighted effectively across different employment categories. To achieve a higher band score, focus on eliminating minor grammatical slips such as subject-verb agreement and participle forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The essay accurately summarizes the visual data, including a clear overall trend and specific key details.
Ensure all gender comparisons across matching categories are highlighted even more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into clear paragraphs with effective cohesive devices.
Vary cohesive markers slightly to avoid repeating transition structures between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary related to leisure time and employment status is used accurately.
Incorporate more varied collocations for describing data variations and proportions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence structures are used with good overall control, though minor errors are present.
Proofread carefully to fix small grammatical errors such as singular/plural nouns and verb forms.