The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart provides a visual representation of the amount of time men and women, of different employment statuses, namely full-time, part-time, unemployed, retired and housewives, dedicate to leisure.
Overall, the chart shows that both unemployed and retired people spend the greatestmost amount of time on leisure activities, which is in sharp contrast with those with full-time jobs.
The data showsStatistics showed that unemployed men spend nearly 85 hours per week on leisure activities, which is followed by retired men with roughly 84 hoursapproximately 82 hours. Furthermore, men with full-time jobs dedicate roughly 45 hours of their time to leisure weekly. The chart provides no data about the leisure time of men with part-time jobs.
Regarding females, unemployed and retired women dedicate the same amount of time, roughly 78 hours, to leisure activities during the week. They are followed by housewives with roughly 50 hours. Lastly, women with both full-time and part-time jobs recorded the least amount of time spentspend on leisure activities, approximately 38 to 4038-40 hours weekly.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a well-structured response with an accurate clear overview and effective coverage of the key data features across all employment categories. Vocabulary choice is flexible and precise, allowing for smooth comparisons throughout the report. To enhance the overall quality, ensure strict grammatical accuracy with participle forms and maintain consistent verb tenses across body paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and key data points are highlighted accurately, including effective comparisons and note of missing data.
Ensure all subtle data differences, such as slight variations between unemployed and retired men, are described with maximum precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are organized logically with a clear progression from the overall picture to gender-specific details.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more to connect details smoothly between gender categories without relying on repeating standard transitional phrases.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used flexibly to describe amounts of time, status categories, and comparisons.
Watch out for occasional word form errors, such as using past participle forms correctly in passive phrase structures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures are used effectively, presenting accurate numerical figures with high grammatical control overall.
Maintain consistent tense usage when introducing data and double-check participle agreements in complex clauses.