The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
This response is estimated at Band 5.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagramflow chart depicts the formation of a rain-shadow desert.
There are seven8 steps in total, starting from winds approaching the coastwinds approach coast and ending withto the formation of the rain-shadow desert. These steps can be divided into three major stagesbe three majority stages, namely the rise of winds, rain falls and the formation of the desertformation of desert.
On the windward side, the winds first approach the coast and are then pushedapproach coast then pushed upwards. After that, Deletethe moist air is formed, it rises and cools. Next, clouds form, followed by rainfallclouds is formed follow by rain falls.
On the leeward side, dry air continues over the mountainsover mountain. Later, dry winds reachare reached inland areas. Once this step is completethis step completely, the rain-shadow desert is formed.
The formation of the rain-shadow desert occursoccours from sea to inland which spans aboutwhich about thousands of kilometres.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response successfully outlines the main sequence of the process from the diagram, clearly identifying the main stages on both the windward and leeward sides. However, the report is under length and relies heavily on copying labels directly from the diagram with minimal expansion. To raise your score, expand on each step using varied sentence structures and correct subject-verb agreement while ensuring you meet the minimum word count.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview outlines the general process, but key details are under-developed and the response falls short of the expected word count.
Provide a fuller description of each stage in the process to meet length requirements and describe relationships between features more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical sequence following the numbered stages, though transitions between sentences feel mechanical.
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and relative clauses to connect steps smoothly rather than relying on short, repetitive statements.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary relies heavily on words copied directly from the visual prompt with minimal paraphrasing.
Incorporate varied verbs and nouns to describe movements and weather changes instead of repeating diagram labels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical errors are frequent, particularly with subject-verb agreement, passive verb forms, and incomplete clauses.
Focus on accurate passive voice constructions and ensure proper plural agreement when describing process steps.