When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In contemporary societyIn the contemporary epoch, people are employed in a diverse range of occupations to support themselvesfor their everyday survival. It is typically believed that the most crucial factor when choosing a jobaspect while selecting our job is monetary incentives. However, fromin my perspective, I strongly disagreevehemently disaccord with the assertion, and I will elucidate my views with credible illustrations in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Analyzing the given statement and elaborating further, possessing a job is the most pivotal accomplishments in our livesmost pivotal accomplishment in our life. It defines our lifestyle and statusreverence in society. Nevertheless, there are numerous other factors besides salary that should be consideredfactors that have to be considered rather than just salary. To exemplify, we should be satisfiedsatisfied and contented with the work we dowork we are employed in. Nowadays, individuals are deprived of mental peace as they are in the race to fill their pockets. This leads to a lack of happiness and several physical and psychological challenges, which can gradually have adverse effectswhich gradually causes adverse effects on our own well-being. Employees are forced to attend therapy sessions if they are prone to stress, depression, and anxiety if they work relentlessly to substantially increase their salary. However, we must enjoy the work, and it should be fun-filled. Therefore, we have to look after our health and job satisfactionhealth and excitement instead of contemplating salary.
Probing ahead, during the interview process, there are multifarious benefits that employers offerincentives that the employers offer. These have to be considered appropriate as they play a crucial role for employees and theirour family members. For instance, provident funds are given to workers and ensure that they have sufficient savings after retirementhave required savings post-retirement. This ensures thatThis guarantees them that they have ample savings to look after themselves and their familiespeers. Furthermore, there are multiple allowances such as fuel, travel, telephone, and medical policies, beneficial for daily expenditures. Thus there are many factorsenormous aspects that must be reviewed during employment procedures.
Taking everything into consideration, although the pay is significant for any person, many other reasons must be reviewed, such as job satisfaction, a healthy lifestyle, and allowances in employment.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant areas: job satisfaction and employment benefits. Its main limitation is that some explanations are generalized or only loosely connected to the claim, while conspicuously formal vocabulary often sounds unnatural. Prioritize developing each reason with a precise, realistic example and expressing it in natural academic language rather than relying on inflated phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant reasons, although parts of the development remain generalized.
Use one precise, realistic example for each reason and explain explicitly how it outweighs salary as a consideration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct reasons, but several formulaic transitions and loose references reduce cohesion.
Replace mechanical paragraph openers with direct topic sentences and ensure each pronoun or reference has an unmistakable antecedent.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad vocabulary range, but frequent unnatural collocations and inflated word choices weaken precision.
Prefer accurate, natural phrases such as strongly disagree and employee benefits over conspicuously formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly despite recurring agreement, article, and clause-control errors.
Review complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and clearly controlled conditional and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.