The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The graphsline graphs illustrate the numbersnumber of male and female workers in six employment sectors in Freedoniavarious sectors in Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. Overall,It is evident that manufacturing, wholesale and retail trade, and the non-defence public sectormanufacturing, trade and non-defence public sector employed the greatest numbers of peopleemployed most number of people.
From the graph, it is clear that in 1975, male workers were employedinvolved in much greater numbers than female workers, especiallythan females especially in manufacturing where about 650 men per thousand were employedabout 700 men per thousand were involved which was more than twice the number of females. Similarly, men were employed over three times as many as womenover five times the number of females in banking. In all the other sectors men were considerably ahead in terms of employment in 1975.
By 1995Then in 1995 female employment rose sharplyfemale employment rocketed in communications, becoming almost twice the male figuredouble of that for males (approximately 300 male employees per thousand)(300). Female employment also exceeded male employmentIt surpassed the male employment in retail trade as well (800 women per thousand employees). Except in manufacturing where the situation remained the same as 1975, women employment increased significantly in all the other sectors.
Thus it is clear that male employment was much higher in 1975 compared to women but women employment have rocketed through the 20 years and has surpassed the male employment in some sectors.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well organised by year and identifies the broad shift toward greater female participation, supported by several useful comparisons. Its main weakness is data accuracy and selection: banking was not more than five times higher for men, and female employment in the non-defence public sector did not increase. Check each comparison against both graphs and summarise the stable male pattern more explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a relevant overview and several major changes, but it contains inaccurate comparisons and omits the broadly stable male employment pattern across the two years.
Verify each numerical comparison and highlight both central trends: strong female gains in several sectors and little overall change in male figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to 1975 and 1995 details, with clear paragraphing and effective time-based organisation.
Integrate the concluding trend into the opening overview and use the final paragraph for any remaining key comparison rather than repeating earlier points.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to describe changes and comparisons, but repeated or awkward collocations such as ‘women employment’ and ‘double of that’ limit precision.
Use natural forms such as ‘female employment’, ‘twice the male figure’, and ‘the largest numbers of workers’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response employs varied complex sentences, although recurring agreement, article, and comparative-form errors reduce grammatical control.
Check noun modifiers and agreement carefully, particularly ‘female employment has risen’ and ‘twice the number of female workers’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.