The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The graph illustratesprovides a visual representation of the percentage of the population living in cities across four Asian countries, namely the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia, between the years 1970 and 2020, as well as projectionspossible predictions for the years 2030 and 2040.
Overall, Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand experienced a steady upward trendshowed a steady increase in the percentage, in contrast to the Philippineswhich is in sharp contrast with the Philippines, which reported fluctuations over the entire 70-year timeframe.
Urban proportions in both Indonesia and Malaysia rose steadily between 1970 and 2020Both Indonesia and Malaysia rose steadily between 1970 and 2020 and are predicted to climb further, with Indonesia reaching approximately 60% and Malaysia approaching 85% by 2040.Indonesia to approximately 60% and Malaysia to nearly 85%, by the year 2040. Malaysia reached roughly 75% in 2020 before continuing to rise , after reporting a marked increase from 30% to nearly 75% of itsof the its urban demographic. This is followed by Indonesia with nearly 40% of growth in its urban share , from roughly 13% to around 52%from roughly 15% to over 55%.
As for the Philippines, population of which experienced volatility over the 50-year period, started to rise in percentage, reaching nearly 50% by the year 1990, which was then followed by a gradual decrease in urban share, dropping to approximately 43% in 2010. From 2010 onwards, the percentage started to grow and is predicted to reach nearly 55% by the year 2040.
Finally , Thailand, which is projected to have the lowest urban proportion in 2040which is predicted to be at the lowest point of the graph, started to increase its share moderately from almost 20% of its population in cities in 1970. In 2020, roughly 33% of the population lived in urban areas, and this figure is projected to reach 50% in 2040.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response provides a clear overview and accurate data points for all four countries across the entire timeline, showing strong coverage of key visual features. Sentences are generally well-developed with appropriate vocabulary, though occasional grammatical phrasing issues and minor punctuation spacing errors occur. Refining relative clause structures and cleaning up formatting glitches will elevate the essay further.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The key trends and data points for all four countries are presented accurately and backed by clear comparisons.
Ensure all subtle details, such as the exact ranking shifts between countries in intermediate years, are explicitly highlighted.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall paragraph structure is logical, though minor spacing glitches around punctuation slightly disrupt the flow.
Eliminate redundant spacing before commas to maintain clean, professional formatting throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
A wide variety of accurate, context-appropriate vocabulary is used to describe trends and percentages.
Proofread carefully to eliminate minor typographical errors like duplicated articles before nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is employed, though some relative clauses are slightly awkward in construction.
Practice forming clear, natural relative clauses when introducing subject details to prevent awkward phrasing.