The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph provides a visual representation of the percentage of the population living in cities inpercentage of the number of the population in 4 different AsiandifferenAsian countries, namely the Philippinesnamely Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia, between the years 1970 and 2020, as well as possible predictionsprediction for the years 2030 and 2040.
Overall, Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand reported a stable increase in the percentageprecentage of the total population, which is in sharp contrastcontrats with the Philippinesphillippines, which reported a fluctuationfluctuage over the 70-year period40-years period.
Both Indonesia and Malaysia started to rise gradually in the years 1970 to 2020, and are predicted to grow significantly, Indonesia to over 60% and Malaysia to nearly 85%Indonesia to approximately 55% and Malaysia to narly 85%, by the year 2040. Indonesia reached its highest peak in the year 2020, after reporting the marked increase from 30% to nearly 75% of the total population. This is followed by Malaysia with nearly 40% of population growth from roughly 15% to 55%.
As for the Phlippines, population of which experience votality over the 50-year periood, started to rise in percentage reaching nearly 50% by the yearyears 1990, which was then followed by gradual decreasedeccrease in number, droppingdroping to approximately 43% in 2010. After this, the percentage started to grow and is predicted to reach nearly 65% by the year 2040.
Furthermore, Thailand, which is predicted to be at the lowest point of the graph, startedstrated to grow in number moderately from almost 20% of population in 1970. In 2020, roughly 30% of the population was accounted for this countrycounties and is predicted to rise up to 50% in 2040.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response successfully identifies key trends and provides an overview, but key data points are misreported due to swapped country figures. Paragraphing is clear, yet frequent spelling mistakes and awkward grammatical structures disrupt the flow. The main priority is to double-check line labels against the key to ensure accurate numerical reporting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
While a clear overall trend is outlined, key data for Malaysia and Indonesia were swapped and misattributed, leading to inaccurate figures.
Carefully trace each line against the chart key to ensure numbers and trends are assigned to the correct countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs for overall trends and specific countries, though cohesive devices are sometimes faulty.
Use accurate transitional phrases to smoothly connect comparisons between different data series.
Lexical Resource
A range of vocabulary is attempted, but frequent spelling errors and word-choice inaccuracies hinder control.
Proofread systematically to correct recurring spelling slips and misuse of specialized terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but punctuation mistakes and grammatical errors in verb forms create noticeable strain.
Focus on main clause structures to avoid sentence fragments and missing verb elements.