The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the changes in the number of jobs across four different employment sectors of the US economy over a 60-year period.
Overall, the figure for employment opportunities in retail and healthcare increased significantly over the period, while manufacturing and agriculture saw a decline even though manufacturing stood highestdespite the manufacture stood highest at the beginningbiggening.
Regarding the expanding sectors,Having a closer look at the graph, the retail and healthcare sectors createdretail and healthcare sector created relatively lower numbers of jobs to commence with in 1960, standing at approximately 6 millionin 1980, standing at approximately, 6 million and 2 million, respectively. Additionally, the numbers of jobs in the retail sectorin retail sector rose steadily to reach 15 million in 2000, and afterwards experiencedin 2000, afterwards, experienced a mild increase and accounted for about 16 million in 2020 while the figure for healthcare witnessed continuous growtha continues growth which endedend at the same level as retail at the end of the periodat the end of period.
In contrast, the manufacturing sector sawmanufacturing sector saw a decrease in its job numbers even though it stood significantly higher in 1960, at 15 million before peaking in 1980 before steadily decreasingpeaking in 1980 then steadily decreased reaching about 13 millionreaching at about 13 million in 2020. However, jobs in agriculture sharply decreasedagriculture was sharply decreased reaching around 3 millionreaching at around 4 million in 1980 and, afterwards, remained1980 afterwards, remained stable throughout.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively provides a clear overview and covers all four sectors shown in the line graph. However, there is a key data inaccuracy regarding the starting year for retail and healthcare figures, alongside frequent grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. To improve, double-check dates against the prompt and revise complex sentence structures for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends are identified with an overall overview, but the starting figures for retail and healthcare are mislabeled as 1980 instead of 1960.
Ensure all dates and data points match the visual prompt precisely before finalizing descriptions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear progression across sectors.
Vary cohesive transitions between body sentences to avoid relying on repetitive connectors.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary is used to describe trends, though spelling and word form errors are present.
Proofread for spelling mistakes like 'biggening' and correct word forms such as using 'continuous' instead of 'continues'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical and clause errors impede accuracy.
Practice forming correct complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions like 'despite' followed by noun phrases or gerunds.