The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates changes indescribes data about the number of people working in four sectors of the economyeconomic market in the US from 1960 to 2020. Overall, the number of jobs in retail and healthcare saw a significant increase,saw a significant, whereas a decline could be seen in the number of jobs in agriculture and manufacturing. The manufacturing sector of the economysectors of economy employed the highest number of peoplehad the most people at the beginning of the period, but retail and healthcare sectors had the largest number of jobs by the end. Moreover, agriculture replacedreplaces healthcare as the sector with the lowestleast number of jobs. There was a significant increase in the number of jobs in retailmanufacturing over the 60 years from about 6 million to 16 million. In addition, the number of jobs in healthcare also markedly grew over this periodat the same time from approximately 2 million to 16 millionbetween approximately 2 million and 16 million. A significant increase could be seen in the number of jobs in manufacturing reached 20 million in the first 205 years, after which it steeply dropped from 1980 to 2020.Furthermore, there was a gradual but steadygentle but substantial fall in the number of jobs in agriculture over the 60-year periodin the 60 years and finally reachedreach finally roughly 2 million.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The report provides a clear structure and attempts to summarize the main trends, identifying key movements across all four economic sectors. However, severe data mislabeling and factual contradictions significantly undermine the accuracy of the details, particularly regarding manufacturing and retail. To improve, double-check that each described numerical trend strictly matches its correct sector label and timeline before finalizing the text.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
While an overall summary trend is provided, key details are inaccurately attributed, such as mislabeling retail data as manufacturing.
Verify that every specific figure and line trend is accurately mapped to its corresponding key label before describing it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response maintains a clear overall paragraph structure, but logical progression is disrupted by contradictory information across body paragraphs.
Group related trend comparisons logically in separate body paragraphs to avoid repeating or contradicting data points.
Lexical Resource
A basic range of vocabulary related to trends is used, though word formation errors and missing nouns obscure meaning in key places.
Ensure complete noun phrases follow adjectives, avoiding grammatical gaps such as writing saw a significant without a noun.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Attempted complex structures frequently collapse into grammatical errors and run-on phrasing, particularly when presenting numerical figures.
Practice using clear clause connectors and relative clauses when embedding data into descriptive sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
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