The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the changes in the numberin number of jobs that four different employment sectors of the US economy experienced over a 60-year periodin 60 years.
Overall, the number of jobs offered by retail and healthcare sectors were increased throughout the period, eventually endingwith eventually ending at the same level, while manufacturing and agriculture sectors declinedwere declined, even though the manufacturing sectormanufacture sector stood highest at the beginningstarting.
Having a closerclosure look at the graph, the figures of employment opportunities created in retail and healthcare started at relatively lower points, accounting for around 6 and 2 million, respectively; however, the, however the numbers increasednumbers were increased steadily, reaching the same levelreaching to the same position which stood at approximately 16 million in 2020.
In contrast, the number of manufacturing jobsamount of work manufacturing produced waswere counted highest in 1960 before peakingwith experiencing growth to its peak in 1980, after which itin 1980 which afterwards steadily declined to reach around 13 million. Similarly, the employment opportunities created by agriculture experienced a decreasefaced decrease which accounted for about 6 million in 1960 and ended at 2 million by 2020ended with 2 million in at the end of the period.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report effectively identifies key trends, compares data accurately across sectors, and presents a clear overview. The primary limitation is grammatical inaccuracy, particularly regarding passive voice overuse and erroneous prepositions. Prioritizing correct active-verb structures for trends will significantly improve accuracy and readability.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and comparative data points across all four sectors are accurately reported with a clear overview.
Include key mid-period values for sectors like agriculture to make the data reporting even more comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into body paragraphs, but some transition phrases are slightly awkward.
Refine introductory cohesive phrases to ensure smoother transitions between detailed points.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary is used, though a few awkward word choices and collocations appear.
Replace inappropriate expressions such as 'amount of work' with more precise phrases like 'number of jobs'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex sentences is attempted, but recurring errors in passive verb constructions and preposition choices reduce grammatical control.
Focus on using active structures for trend descriptions, such as 'increased' or 'declined' rather than 'were increased'.