The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the number of jobs, in millions, across four economic sectors in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, manufacturing was the biggest employer for most of the period, but its figure fell after 1980. By contrast, retail and healthcare grew steadily and became the two largest sectors at the end. Agriculture declined and remained by far the smallest area of employment.
In 1960, manufacturing provided 15 million jobs, compared with about 6 million in both retail and agriculture. Its total then rose to a peak of 20 million in 1980, before dropping to 17 million in 2000 and approximately 13 million by 2020. Retail showed a different pattern, increasing gradually from 6 million to 10 million and then 15 million in the first three years shown. It finished at around 16 million jobs.
Healthcare started with only 2 million workers in 1960. However, it more than doubled to 5 million in 1980 and reached 11 million in 2000. This sector climbed further to 16 million in 2020, the same as retail. Meanwhile, agricultural employment fell from 6 million to roughly 3 million in 1980 and 2000, then decreased to 2 million.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the final year Original: at the end Suggested revision: in 2020 Why it matters: Naming the year makes the endpoint comparison more precise.
- 2. Use precise sector term Original: area of employment Suggested revision: employment sector Why it matters: Employment sector is the more natural term for one category in this graph.
- 3. Clarify equal values Original: about 6 million in both retail and agriculture Suggested revision: about 6 million in each of retail and agriculture Why it matters: Each makes clear that both sectors separately had approximately six million jobs.
- 4. Name the measure Original: Its total Suggested revision: Manufacturing employment Why it matters: Naming the sector and measure avoids a vague pronoun reference.
- 5. Refer to data points Original: first three years shown Suggested revision: first three data points shown Why it matters: The phrase data points is more precise because the graph displays four selected years.
- 6. Match graph unit Original: only 2 million workers Suggested revision: only 2 million jobs Why it matters: The graph measures jobs rather than the number of individual workers.
- 7. Name what increased Original: This sector climbed further Suggested revision: Employment in this sector climbed further Why it matters: A sector itself does not climb; its employment figure does.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Meanwhile, agricultural employment fell from 6 million to roughly 3 million in 1980 and 2000, then decreased to 2 million. Suggested revision: Meanwhile, agricultural employment fell from 6 million in 1960 to roughly 3 million in 1980, remained at that level in 2000, and then decreased to 2 million in 2020. Why it matters: The rewrite distinguishes the initial fall, the period of stability, and the final decline.
- 9. Add direct comparison Suggested revision: Compare manufacturing and retail directly in 2000 and 2020 to show retail closing the gap and then overtaking manufacturing. Why it matters: A direct cross-sector comparison would make the changing relationship between these two major employers clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- at the end in 2020
- area of employment employment sector
- about 6 million in both retail and agriculture about 6 million in each of retail and agriculture
- Its total Manufacturing employment
- first three years shown first three data points shown
- only 2 million workers only 2 million jobs
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and accurate, detailed coverage of every series, supported by fluent and well-controlled language. Its main limitation is the overview claim that agriculture remained the smallest sector, although healthcare was lower in 1960. The highest-priority improvement is to make overview comparisons fully time-specific so that broad trend statements never conflict with the chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear overview and accurately covers nearly all major trends and figures, with one overgeneralised comparison about the smallest sector.
Qualify the overview by stating that agriculture became the smallest sector after 1960, since healthcare began lower.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced into a concise overview and well-focused detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Refine the transition between retail and healthcare to foreground their equal final figures even more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of trend and employment vocabulary is used naturally with effective paraphrasing and collocation.
Replace the slightly vague phrase 'the first three years shown' with explicit years for maximum precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of simple and complex structures is handled accurately, with consistently clear sentence control.
Continue developing stylistic flexibility by varying the structure of data-comparison sentences without sacrificing accuracy.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.