The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line graph compares employment in four US economic sectors from 1960 to 2020, measured in millions of jobs.
Overall, retail and healthcare recorded steady growth, whereas agriculture declined slightly and manufacturing rose initially before falling. By 2020, retail employed the most people, while agriculture remained by far the smallest sector.
In 1960, manufacturing was the leading employer, with 15 million jobs. Retail and agriculture each accounted for roughly 6 million, while healthcare had only 2 million positions. Manufacturing then increased to a peak of 20 million in 1980, but its figure dropped to 17 million in 2000 and finally to about 13 million.
By contrast, retail employment climbed consistently, from 6 million to 10 million in 1980 and 15 million in 2000, reaching approximately 16 million at the end. Healthcare also grew considerably, although from a lower base: it rose to 5 million in 1980, 11 million in 2000 and 16 million in 2020. Agriculture fell from 6 million to around 3 million by 1980, stayed near this level in 2000, and decreased to 2 million thereafter.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct decline scale Original: agriculture declined slightly Suggested revision: agriculture declined substantially Why it matters: Agricultural employment fell from about six million to two million, so slightly understates the change.
- 2. Correct final ranking Original: retail employed the most people Suggested revision: retail and healthcare jointly employed the most people Why it matters: Both sectors end at approximately sixteen million jobs in 2020.
- 3. Match graph unit Original: 2 million positions Suggested revision: 2 million jobs Why it matters: Jobs matches the unit used in the graph more directly.
- 4. Name what increased Original: Manufacturing then increased Suggested revision: Employment in manufacturing then increased Why it matters: The revision identifies the employment figure, rather than the sector itself, as the quantity that rose.
- 5. Specify the measure Original: its figure Suggested revision: its employment total Why it matters: Employment total states the measured quantity more precisely than figure.
- 6. Name the endpoint Original: at the end Suggested revision: in 2020 Why it matters: The explicit year makes the final retail value easier to locate.
- 7. State final year Original: thereafter Suggested revision: by 2020 Why it matters: The graph gives a specific final observation, so the year is clearer than thereafter.
- 8. Compare major sectors Suggested revision: Add a direct comparison showing that retail nearly caught manufacturing by 2000 and exceeded it by 2020. Why it matters: This would highlight the important reversal between two of the largest sectors.
Suggested Rewrites
- agriculture declined slightly agriculture declined substantially
- retail employed the most people retail and healthcare jointly employed the most people
- 2 million positions 2 million jobs
- Manufacturing then increased Employment in manufacturing then increased
- its figure its employment total
- at the end in 2020
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its concise, logical presentation and accurate handling of nearly all the chart data, expressed through precise and highly controlled language. Its main weakness is an overview that understates agriculture's decline and identifies retail alone as the largest final employer, although healthcare finishes level with it. The highest-priority improvement is therefore to make the overview's headline comparisons exactly match the visual evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report selects and supports all four major trends with accurate figures, but two overview statements misrepresent the scale and final ranking.
State that agriculture fell substantially and that retail and healthcare were joint largest employers in 2020.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from overview to grouped details, and referencing and linking are controlled without becoming mechanical.
Strengthen the overview-to-detail alignment by preserving the same key comparison when the final figures are reported.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise and appropriately varied across descriptions of employment levels, movement and comparison.
Maintain this strong range while choosing modifiers such as 'slightly' only when their scale is supported by the data.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are varied naturally and remain accurate throughout the response.
For further refinement, vary clause openings in the final detail paragraph while retaining the current level of control.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.