The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates changes indescribes data about the number of people working in four sectors of the economyeconomic market in the US from 1960 to 2020. Overall, the number of jobs in retail and healthcare experienced substantial growthsaw a significant rise, whereas a decline could be seen in the number of jobs in agriculture and manufacturing. The manufacturing sector of the economysectors of economy accounted for the highest number of jobshad the most people at the beginning of the period, but the retail and healthcare sectors had the largest numbers of jobs by the end.retail and healthcare sectors had the largest number of jobs by the end. Moreover, agriculture replacedreplaces healthcare as the sector with the lowestleast number of jobs. There was a significant increase in the number of jobs in retail over the 60 years from about 6 million to 16 million. In addition, the number of jobs in healthcare also markedly grew from approximately 2 million to 16 millionbetween approximately 2 million and 16 million over the same timeframe.at the same time. A significant increase could be seen in the number of jobs in manufacturing reached 20 million in the first 20 years, after which it gradually decreasedsteeply dropped from 1980 to 2020. Furthermore, there was a gradual declinegentle but substantial fall in the number of jobs in agriculture over the 60-year period, finally reachingin the 60 years and finally reached roughly 2 million in 2020, down from around 6 million in 1960.roughly 2 million.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear summary of the graph's main features with a well-developed overview and logical organization. Its primary limitation lies in grammatical errors, particularly faulty clause structures and minor prepositional misuse. The highest priority for improvement is to refine complex sentence boundaries and proofread for structural accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview clearly highlights overall trends and key comparisons, supported by accurate figures from the chart.
Ensure prepositions marking numerical ranges are used precisely when describing starting and ending points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into distinct paragraphs based on trend similarities, leading to clear progression.
Vary cohesive devices to prevent repetitive sentence openings across paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary for describing trends and statistics is applied appropriately throughout the text.
Focus on precise verb-preposition combinations and natural word partnerships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but structural errors such as unlinked fused clauses affect accuracy.
Check complex sentence boundaries carefully to ensure subordinate and relative clauses are properly joined.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
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