The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The line chart showsillustrates the data about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020, measured in millionsmeasured by million.
Overall, manufacturing was the sector with the most jobs at the beginningmost job at beginning and peaked in 1980 before declining. By contrast, retail and healthcare increasedincrease, with healthcare rising more sharply over the period, whereas agriculture declined and remained the sector with the fewest jobsjob after 1980.
In 19601980, about 15 million people worked in manufacturing, compared with roughly 6 million in both retail and agriculture. This figure then rose to 20 million by 1980Manufacturing then rose to 20 million in 1980, while agriculture halveddropped sharply to around 3 million. At the same time, retail also experienced a steady growth to 10 millionmarked increase to 10 million.
After 1980, manufacturing decreased to approximately 17 million in 2000 and 13 million byat 2020. Retail continued to expand, reaching 15 million in 2000 and about 16 million in 202016 in 2020, matching healthcare as the joint-largest sector. Meanwhile, healthcare experienced a steady upward trend,Healthcare also showed a considerable rise, from 2 millionfrom only 2 million in 1960 to 5 million in 1980, to 11 million1980, 11 million in 2000 and 16 million in 2020. In comparison, agriculture remained at roughly 3 millionagriculture stayed almost 3 million until 2020 declining to 2 million.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report effectively covers all key trends and figures from the line chart, featuring a clear overview and logical organization throughout. Its main limitation stems from minor statistical labeling slips and occasional grammatical inaccuracies regarding prepositions and plural forms. To improve, double-check year labels against data points and refine grammatical precision when connecting multiple clauses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends are well selected and accurately described with a clear overview, though an initial sentence mislabels 1960 data as 1980.
Proofread dates and data points against the visual prompt to ensure complete accuracy across all body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced into distinct paragraphs with effective cohesive devices highlighting main contrasts.
Vary cohesive phrases across paragraph openings to maintain a smooth flow between chronological comparisons.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe trends and values precisely, with only minor word-form errors.
Ensure countable nouns following qualifiers like most or fewest are consistently in their plural form.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structure types is produced with good control, alongside occasional prepositional and participle errors.
Focus on using correct time prepositions and refining participle clauses to connect ending trends seamlessly.