The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
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Sample Response
The line graph shows the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the number of jobs in manufacturing and agriculture went down, while the number in retail and healthcare experienced growthwent up.
In 1960, manufacturing accounted for the largest number of jobshad the most jobs, at about 15 million. It rose to 20 million in 1980, and then it fell to 17 million in 2000 and 13 million in 2020.
Agriculture had 6 million jobs in 1960, and it went down to 3 million in 1980. The number stayed the same in 2000 and fell to 2 million in 2020, so it was the smallest sector from 1980 onwards.from 1980.
Retail also had 6 million jobs in 1960. It increased steadily to 10 million in 1980 and 15 million in 2000, and reached 16 million in 2020.
Healthcare had the lowest number of jobs in 1960, at only 2 million, but it grew quickly to 5 million in 1980 and 11 million in 2000. In 2020, healthcare reached 16 million, which was the same as retail, and both sectors surpassingboth of them had more jobs than manufacturing.
In conclusion, manufacturing and agriculture became smaller, but retail and healthcare employed the largest workforcesbecame more important in the US economy.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The summary provides an accurate and thorough description of the line graph, featuring a clear overview and accurate data points for all four economic sectors. The reporting is exceptionally well structured and logically sequenced throughout. To achieve higher performance, the essay should incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures to describe trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All key trends, starting points, peak values, and intersections across the four sectors are highlighted accurately based on the line graph.
Group and compare data key features more conceptually rather than simply reporting figures chronologically sector by sector.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically into clear paragraphs with smooth transitions and an effective overall progression.
Vary cohesive phrases and linking devices beyond basic connectors to create a more natural flow between comparative details.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is used accurately to convey data trends, though some phrasing remains somewhat simple and repetitive.
Incorporate a broader selection of advanced lexical items and collocations for trend descriptions, such as 'experienced a dramatic surge' or 'surpassed'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar and punctuation are accurate and controlled throughout, presenting simple and complex structures without notable errors.
Use a wider variety of complex grammatical forms, such as participial clauses and complex relative structures, to elevate sentence complexity.