Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In recent times, a lot of people dedicate a major amount of their time to playing video gamesonline entertainment programs. Some people state that playing video games is a harmless activity, while others believe that they have a negative effect on a person's developmentdevelopment process. I personally think that video games have a severe, long-lasting impactsevere long-lasting effect on people's general well-being.
It is evident that nowadays, technological advancement provides a wide range of video games for people of all ages. I partially agree with the notion that some of those games have a positive effect on individuals' educational and personal development, namely online chess games and programs, which help childrenjuveniles learn basic math equations while playing.
On the other hand, the negative effects of video games should not be overlooked. Dedicating a significant amount of a day to playing video games has a profound effect on a person's mental health and social isolationdetachment. It is widely known that computer programs cause severe technological addiction problems, which canwill result in health deterioration, namely constant headaches, eyesight issues and depression. Also, a lot of youngsters are notaren't developed enough to detect and avoid problems caused by video games, which will interfere with their education process and self advancement.
Furthermore, online video games are becoming more and more popular. A lot of people try to make friends using entertainment programs and plan meet-ups with strangers. Nowadays, the crime level has increased significantly because of the unsupervised gamingunsupervised video games. A lot of people, especially children and young peoplekids and women, are being constantly manipulated and threatened by the individuals they encounter while playing various video games.
To sum up, I personally think that the drawbacks of video games outweigh their positive effects. Consequently, video game developers should add regulations and safety measures in order to avoid serious profound social issues.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear position throughout, effectively outlining both benefits and significant drawbacks before concluding that the negative impacts predominate. Paragraph organisation is clear, and the candidate displays good range and control over sentence structures and vocabulary. To elevate the score, expand on the counter-arguments slightly more and refine precision in word choice and grammar control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, establishing a clear stance that the drawbacks of video games outweigh the advantages.
Develop the positive aspects slightly further to ensure a more fully rounded discussion before reinforcing why the drawbacks dominate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are organized logically with a clear overall progression using appropriate paragraphing and cohesive devices.
Improve cohesive ties between body paragraphs to create a smoother transition when moving from general health impacts to safety risks.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used flexibly with minor inaccuracies in word choice or collocation.
Focus on precise phrasing by replacing imprecise terms like 'entertainment programs' or 'self advancement' with more appropriate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures are used with good general control, though occasional grammatical and article errors occur.
Proofread for minor grammatical inconsistencies, such as tense agreement and article usage before plural nouns.