Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
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Sample Response
In recent times, a lot of people dedicate a major amount of their time to playing online entertainment programsprogramms. Some people state that playing video games is a harmless activity, while others believe that they have a negative effect on a person's development process. I personally think that video games have a severesever long-lasting effect on people's generalgenerall well-being.
It is evident that nowadays, technological advancement provides a wide rangeprovides wide range of video games for people of all ages. I partially agree with the notion that some of those games have a positive effect on individuals' educationalon individual's educational and personal development, namely online chess games and programsprogramms, which help juveniles learn basic math equations while playing.
On the other hand, the negative effects of video games should notshouldn't be overlooked. Dedicating a significant amount of a day to playing video games has a profound effect on a person's mental health and social detachment. It is widely known that computer programsprogramms cause severesever technological addiction problems, which will result in health deteriorationresult in a health deterioration, namely constant headaches, eyesight issues and depression.and a depression. Also, a lot of youngsters aren't developed enough to detect and avoid problems caused by video games, which will interfere with their education process and self advancement.
Furthermore, online video games are becoming more and more popular. A lot of people try to make friends using these kinds of programsthis kind of programms and planplanning meet-ups with strangers. Nowadays, the crime ratelevel has increased significantly because of the unsupervised video games. A lot of people, especially kids and women, are being constantly manipulated and threatened by the individualsindividual's they encounter while playing various video games.
To sum up, I personally think that the drawbacks of the video games outweighoutweight theirits positive effects. Consequently, video game developersowners should add regulations and safety measures in order to avoid serious profound social issues.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear opinion early on and successfully supports it with relevant points on both educational benefits and negative consequences such as health issues and crime risks. While the overall organisation and argument structure are effective, spelling inaccuracies and grammatical errors with articles and singular/plural agreements remain noticeable throughout the response. To raise your performance, focus on refining grammatical accuracy and double-checking spelling choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position throughout, acknowledging minor benefits while thoroughly explaining several significant drawbacks.
Ensure all supporting points directly relate back to the prompt question with fully explained real-world examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured into clear paragraphs with clear progression from benefits to drawbacks.
Vary cohesive devices beyond standard transition signals to make the connection between sentences feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of topic-specific vocabulary is used, though spelling errors recur occasionally.
Proofread carefully to eliminate recurring spelling mistakes such as 'programms', 'sever', and 'outweight'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex and simple sentence structures is attempted, but frequent minor errors with articles, plurals, and possessives are present.
Review article usage before noun phrases, particularly avoiding incorrect indefinite articles before uncountable terms like 'depression' or 'health deterioration'.