Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There are differing views as to how young people should spend their leisure time. Many individuals contend that they should use it more on family and less on entertainment, but others argue otherwise. I agree with the latter view although it is important to accompany ones’ parents.
On the one hand, if most young people stay more at home, they will likely form a closer family bond. It is reasonable to believe that parents' desire for positive family ties becomes stronger as their age grows, and such anxiety can better be alleviated by the way children harmonize with them. Additionally, the traditional responsibility of caring for the elders inculcates and encourages young adults to value family. Over time, favorable relations will be developed and bring wellbeing to family in return.
On the other hand, advising most young individuals to just stay at home during their vacation is not suitable in today’s interdependent society. First, communication between young and old may particularly be hard because age difference has varied effects on kinds of lifestyle, choices of recreation, and ways of thinking. Too much interaction will make their relationship counterproductive, negatively but easily. Recently, my mother and I are at an impasse after quarrelling about the punishment for tax evasion.
Second, some young people will mostly reduce pressure if they spend more time entertaining themselves like drinking a little in a bar. Admittedly, there can provide a relaxing environment in which they temporarily forget unpleasant events encountered at work. Finally, young people's friend circle will be difficult to maintain if there is less frequency in socializing. Alienated friendship gets conceivably futile once they are in trouble.
In conclusion, although family is a vital part of life, I think more importance should still be attached to entertainment during one’s leisure time, considering stress reducing and friendship keeping.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct verb pattern Original: use it more on family Suggested revision: spend more of it with their families Why it matters: Spend time with someone is the natural grammatical pattern for this meaning.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: accompany ones’ parents Suggested revision: spend time with their parents Why it matters: Accompany suggests going somewhere with someone rather than sharing leisure time at home.
- 3. Express duration correctly Original: stay more at home Suggested revision: spend more time at home Why it matters: More needs to modify time here rather than the verb stay.
- 4. Correct age expression Original: as their age grows Suggested revision: as they grow older Why it matters: People grow older; their age does not naturally grow in this construction.
- 5. Match the intended meaning Original: such anxiety can better be alleviated Suggested revision: this desire can be better met Why it matters: The preceding noun is a desire for family ties, so anxiety and alleviated misrepresent the meaning.
- 6. Clarify family interaction Original: by the way children harmonize with them Suggested revision: when their children spend time with them Why it matters: Harmonize with is not a natural expression for children maintaining close relations with parents.
- 7. Use a natural noun Original: the elders Suggested revision: older family members Why it matters: Older family members is more precise and natural in this family context.
- 8. Remove redundant verbs Original: inculcates and encourages Suggested revision: encourages Why it matters: The two verbs overlap here, and inculcates also requires a clearer object or idea.
- 9. Use active development Original: favorable relations will be developed Suggested revision: favourable relationships will develop Why it matters: The active verb develop gives this gradual result a more natural grammatical form.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: bring wellbeing to family in return Suggested revision: improve family well-being in return Why it matters: Improve well-being is the natural collocation for the stated benefit.
- 11. Match the task context Original: their vacation Suggested revision: their free time Why it matters: The discussion concerns leisure time generally rather than a particular holiday.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: difference Suggested revision: differences Why it matters: The statement concerns differences between age groups in general, so the plural is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- use it more on family spend more of it with their families
- accompany ones’ parents spend time with their parents
- stay more at home spend more time at home
- as their age grows as they grow older
- such anxiety can better be alleviated this desire can be better met
- by the way children harmonize with them when their children spend time with them
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear position and a recognisable discussion of both views, with sensible paragraphing and several relevant reasons. Its main limitation is that some claims and examples are insufficiently explained or implausibly connected, while frequent awkward collocations and sentence constructions weaken precision. Prioritise developing fewer supporting points more convincingly and expressing them in natural, controlled phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's preference is clear, but several supporting points remain thin, tangential, or unconvincing.
Develop fewer reasons in greater depth and use directly relevant examples that clearly demonstrate each claimed effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure and clear paragraph purposes, although progression within the opposing-view discussion is sometimes strained.
Organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea and make the relationship between consecutive sentences explicit and accurate.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably broad vocabulary and some ambitious expression, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness.
Prefer well-established phrases such as reduce stress and maintain friendships, and check ambitious combinations for natural usage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, though recurring errors in clause construction, articles, agreement, and possessives limit control.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause patterns and accurate small forms before adding further grammatical complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.