Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
In contemporary society, how young people should spend their spare time is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that young peoplemen should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.
To begin with, the view favoring outdoor leisure is grounded in practical considerations.this position is grounded in both sound reasoning and practical considerations. One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that being close to nature helps young people relieve their stressis beneficial for young people to relieve their pressure and negative emotions due to innate human traitshuman's innated traits, which cannot be replaced by staying at home with their families. This reasoning carries considerable weight because young adults have to face many challenges and difficulties in today’s competitive society and relieving their depressive moodsemotions is extremely important, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that among people aged 20-30 with psychological issues in Beijing, the number of those who do outdoor activities regularly was 30% lower than the number of those who stayedstay at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that engaging in outdoor entertainment can also improve young people’s social skills and build their self-confidence, and this can enhance young people’s patience and resilience under pressureability to resist pressure.
Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view has its merits. One compelling argumentpotential objection is that staying at home with their families can save young people money, energy and time and help them to have more family time. Many outdoor activities are not suitable for older people and young children. This is partly because going outside for entertainment can sometimes make young people feel more tired. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: young people staying at home with their families before relieving their stress may lead to more conflictsmake more new conflicts. More importantly, many young adults report that they often argue with their families when they return home from work. It is so difficult for them to control their temper, and going home can even make themeven makes them feel more stressed. This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that many outdoor activities can provide similar benefits toreach the similar advantages of staying at home. For instance, many outdoor activities can be done with families and are appropriate for each family member, such as holding a party in a park or besidebesides a lake, having a picnic on the grass on a sunny day, or going camping in nearby places with scenic viewsgood landscapes. Consequently,In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, is not strong enough to be decisive.
In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that doing outdoor activities and enjoying spending leisure time outdoorsoutdoor family time is necessary for young people stands out as the more balanced and practical one.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a well-developed argument with a clear position, effectively discussing both staying at home and seeking outdoor entertainment. The response demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures that support a coherent, logical flow. To reach a higher standard, focus on refining word choices to avoid occasional awkward phrasing and ensuring that both sides of the prompt are given balanced, objective consideration before presenting your final stance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear, consistent position throughout the response.
Ensure the view you disagree with is presented fairly before offering counterarguments so that both sides are thoroughly explored.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically organized and cohesive devices are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Vary your transitional phrases slightly to prevent the overarching paragraph structure from feeling formulaic.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used flexibly to convey precise meanings and complex ideas.
Pay close attention to word formation and collocation errors, such as using innated instead of innate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures is produced with high grammatical control and clear meaning.
Proofread for minor prepositional and phrasing slips to ensure complete accuracy across long sentences.