Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
In contemporary society, how young people should spend their spare time ishow should young people spend their spare time is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that young men should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.
To begin with, this position is grounded in both sound reasoning and practical considerations. One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that being close to naturebeing closed to the nature is beneficial for young people to relieve stressrelease their pressures and negative emotions, which cannot be replaced by staying at home with their families. This reasoning carries considerable weight because young adults have to face many challenges and difficulties in today’s competitive society and alleviating their low moodrefreshing their depressive emotions is extremely important, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that among some 20-30 aged people with psychological issues in Beijing, the number of those who dothe number of who do outdoor activities regularly was 30% lowerless than the number of those who staythe number of who stay at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that entertaining outside can also improve young people’s social skills and buildstructure their self-confidence, which is enhance young people’s patience and pressure rejecting ability.
Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view also has its merits. One potential objection is that staying at home with their families can save more money, energy and time for young men and help them to have more family moments. Many outdoor activities are not suitable for older people and young kids, a concern that arises from the fact that going outside for entertainmententertainments sometimes makes young people feel more tired. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: young people staying at home with their families before unwindingreleasing their pressures may have new conflicts with their relatives. More importantly, many young adults report that they often arguedemonstrate that they usually have a fight with their families when they go back home after work, and home makes them feel more stressed. This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that many outdoor activities can be done with families and are suitable for all family membersappropriate to each family members, like having a party on the grass on a sunny day, and going camping in nearby locationsin vicinity places with good scenerylandscapes. In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, does not carry enough weight to be decisive.
In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that doing outdoor activities is necessary for young people, and enjoying outside family moments stands out as the more balanced and practical one.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses both sides of the prompt with relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is the presence of grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward word combinations, alongside reliance on template-like transition phrases. To reach a higher standard, focus on refining grammatical accuracy and using more natural, precise vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses all parts of the prompt and maintains a clear, consistent opinion throughout.
Ensure that arguments for both perspectives are equally well developed and supported with fully logical examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically organized and ideas progress smoothly across the essay.
Rely less on formulaic template phrases to connect paragraphs and ideas more naturally.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary is used, including advanced collocations and topic-specific terms.
Refine word choices to avoid awkward expressions like pressure rejecting ability or structure self-confidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence structures is attempted with mixed control and regular errors.
Proofread carefully to correct errors in relative clauses, verb phrasing, and countable noun usage.