Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
In contemporary society, how young people should spend their spare time is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that young people***people*** should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.
To begin with, the view favoring outdoor leisure is grounded in practical considerations.***the view favoring outdoor leisure is grounded in practical considerations.*** One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that being close to nature helps young people relieve their stress***helps young people relieve their stress*** and negative emotions due to innate human traits***innate human traits***, which cannot be replaced by staying at home with their families. This reasoning carries considerable weight because young adults have to face many challenges and difficulties in today’s competitive society and relieving their depressive moods***moods*** is extremely important, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that among people aged 20-30 with psychological issues in Beijing, the number of those who do outdoor activities regularly was 30% lower than the number of those who***stayed*** at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that engaging in outdoor entertainment can also improve young people’s social skills and build their self-confidence, and this can enhance young people’s patience and resilience under pressure.**7*resilience under pressure.***
Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view has its merits. One compelling argument***compelling argument*** is that staying at home with their families can save young people money, energy and time and help them to have more family time. Moreover, many outdoor activities are unsuitable for older relatives or young children, and going out after a tiring week can leave young people further exhausted. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: young people staying at home with their families before relieving their stress may lead to more conflicts***lead to more conflicts***. More importantly, many young adults report that they often argue with their families when they return home from work. They often find it difficult to manage stress, which means that returning home immediately can heighten household tension.This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that many outdoor activities can provide similar benefits to***provide similar benefits to*** staying at home. For instance, many outdoor activities can be done with families and are appropriate for each family member, such as holding a party in a park or beside***beside*** a lake, having a picnic on the grass on a sunny day, or going camping in nearby places with scenic views***scenic views***. ***Consequently,*** the opposing view, while understandable, is not strong enough to be decisive.
In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that spending leisure time outdoors***spending leisure time outdoors*** and enjoying **outdoor family time** is necessary for young people stands out as the more balanced and practical one.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response effectively presents a well-reasoned discussion of both perspectives while maintaining a consistent personal stance throughout the essay. Complex ideas are developed logically with sophisticated vocabulary and a strong variety of sentence structures. To improve further, streamline the argument structure to reduce over-extended templates and focus on even sharper real-world explanations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay thoroughly addresses both sides of the debate and maintains a clear, well-supported opinion throughout.
Ensure all opposing viewpoints are given balanced consideration before refuting them so the core counter-arguments are fully represented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and arguments are logically organised with smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Rely less on formulaic template phrases to transition between points to make the cohesive flow feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of sophisticated and natural vocabulary is used accurately with strong awareness of collocation.
Continue refining precision in less common phrasing to maintain complete naturalness across all sentences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad variety of complex grammatical structures is employed with high accuracy and control.
Maintain absolute precision in complex conditional and comparative clause structures across longer sentences.