Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sample Response

1

In contemporary society, how young people should spendhow should young people spend their time after work is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that they should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.

2

To begin with, this position is grounded in both sound reasoning and practical considerations. One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that outdoor entertainmentoutside entertainments are beneficial for young people to relieve pressurerelease pressures and negative emotions. This reasoning carries considerable weight because going outside and being close to naturethe nature is crucial for young adults in today’s competitive society, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that the number of young people aged 20 to 30between 20-30 years old in Beijing who do outdooroutside activities regularly during their spare time for entertainment was 30% less than the figure for staying at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that entertaining outside can also improve young people’s social skills and self-confidence, which is vital for young individuals to enhance their heart.

3

Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view also has its merits. One potential objection is that staying at home with their families can improve young adults' family bondsyoung adults family bonds, a concern that arises from the fact that many younger people lack meaningful conversations or deep interactionsgood and deep conversation or interactions with their family members, which leads to frequentfrequently family conflicts. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: people can also spend their family time outside their home. More importantly, many people reportdemonstrate that they feel more stressed when they are at home in big cities in China. Moreover, if young people go back home with negative emotions, this can leadgo back home with negative emotions, it would lead to more conflicts with their families. This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that spending quality family timehaving good family moments outside can be a good way for young people to bond without friction.a good way for young people. In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, does not carry enough weight to be decisive.

4

In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that spending more time entertaining outside is necessary for people to refresh their mindsmind, and enjoying outdoor family gatheringsoutside family moments stands out as the more balanced and practical one.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear personal opinion, demonstrating a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures. However, some arguments rely on formulaic template phrases and overly complex explanations that obscure logical progression and specific support. To improve, focus on developing arguments with precise, direct reasoning and clear supporting details rather than relying on memorized transition formulas.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

6.0
Scoring rule

Both sides of the argument are addressed with a clear overall stance, though some supporting ideas lack logical consistency and relevant development.

Next step

Provide realistic, directly relevant examples and logical explanations rather than misapplying statistical data or circular reasoning.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0
Scoring rule

The essay uses paragraphing effectively to structure main points, but heavy use of generic cohesive templates makes the flow feel mechanical.

Next step

Reduce the rely on memorized transition formulas and ensure cohesive devices directly connect the specific ideas being presented.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Scoring rule

A good range of topic vocabulary is demonstrated, though occasional word choice inaccuracies and unnatural phrasing occur.

Next step

Focus on precise word pairings and natural collocations rather than inserting sophisticated terms inappropriately, such as in 'enhance their heart'.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used with generally good control, though minor grammatical and punctuation errors persist.

Next step

Proofread for subject-verb agreement and article usage, ensuring complex sentences remain grammatically precise throughout.