Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sample Response

1

In contemporary society, how young people should spendhow should young people spend their time after work is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that they should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that seeking leisure activities outside the home is preferableentertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.

2

To begin with, spending leisure time outdoors offers distinct mental and physical health benefits.this position is grounded in both sound reasoning and practical considerations. One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that outdoor leisure activitiesoutside entertainments are beneficial for young people to relieve stressrelease pressures and negative emotions. This reasoning carries considerable weight because going outside and being close to naturethe nature is crucial for young adults in today’s competitive societyDelete, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that the number of young people aged 20 to 30between 20-30 years old in Beijing who do outside activities regularly during their spare time for entertainment was 30% less than the figure for staying at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that entertaining outside can also improve young people’s social skills and self-confidence, which is vital for young individuals to strengthen their emotional resilienceenhance their heart.

3

Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view also has its merits. One potential objection is that staying at home with their families can improve young adults' family bondsyoung adults family bonds, a concern that arises from the fact that many younger people lack meaningful conversationsgood and deep conversation or interactions with their family members, which leads to frequentfrequently family conflicts. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: people can also spend their family time outside their home. More importantly, many people reportdemonstrate that they feel more stressed when they are at home in big cities in China. Moreover, if young people go back home with negative emotions, it would lead to more conflicts with their families. This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that having quality family timegood family moments outside can be a good way for young people. In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, does not carry enough weight to be decisive.

4

In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that spending more time entertaining outside is necessary for people to refresh their minds and enjoyrefresh their mind, and enjoying outdoor family activitiesoutside family moments stands out as the more balanced and practical one.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The essay presents a clear position throughout and addresses both sides of the prompt, showing good organization and a strong range of vocabulary. However, some of the supporting ideas and examples are slightly repetitive or lack logical clarity in their execution. To improve, focus on developing arguments with more precise, coherent explanations rather than overusing formulaic essay templates.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

6.0
Scoring rule

The response addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear opinion throughout, though some supporting points and statistics are slightly unclear or awkwardly linked to the main argument.

Next step

Ensure all supporting examples directly reinforce the main point without relying on confusing statistical claims or repetitive phrasing.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0
Scoring rule

Paragraphing is logical and ideas generally progress clearly, though heavy reliance on memorized transitional phrases makes the cohesive flow feel somewhat rigid and artificial.

Next step

Use cohesive devices more naturally to explain relationships between ideas rather than relying on formulaic template phrases.

LR

Lexical Resource

7.0
Scoring rule

A good variety of vocabulary is used flexibly to convey ideas, despite a few minor word choice inaccuracies.

Next step

Refine precise word choices in expressions like 'enhance their heart' to sound more natural and accurate in context.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

The candidate demonstrates a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but noticeable grammatical inaccuracies in subject-verb agreement and noun plurals recur.

Next step

Proofread for basic grammatical accuracy, particularly focusing on plural noun endings, verb agreements, and preposition usage.