Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sample Response

1

In contemporary society, how young people should spendhow should young people spend their spare time is an issue that few can afford to ignore. Opinions are divided between those who believe that young men should spend more time staying at home with their families and those who maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. While there is some merit in each perspective, I find the latter more compelling.

2

To begin with, this position is grounded in both sound reasoning and practical considerations. One of the strongest arguments in its favour is that being close to natureclosed to the nature is beneficial for young people to relieve stressrelease their pressures and negative emotions, which cannot be replaced by staying at home with their families. This reasoning carries considerable weight because young adults have to face many challenges and difficulties in today’s competitive society and alleviating feelings of depressionrefreshing their depressive emotions is extremely important, thereby strengthening the case for this position. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that among people aged 20 to 30some 20-30 aged people with psychological issues in Beijing, the proportion of those who engaged in outdoor activities regularly was 30% lower than that of those who stayed at homenumber of who do outdoor activities regularly was 30% less than the number of who stay at home. A further consideration that warrants closer examination is that entertaining outside can also improve young people’s social skills and buildstructure their self-confidence, which enhances their patience and ability to handle pressurewhich is enhance young people’s patience and pressure rejecting ability.

3

Compelling though this position may be, the opposing view also has its merits. One potential objection is that staying at home with their families can save young people both time and moneysave more money, energy and time for young men and help them to have more family moments. Many outdoor activities are not suitable for older people and young kids, a concern that arises from the fact that going outside for entertainmententertainments sometimes makes young people feel more tired. On closer examination, however, a fundamental flaw in the logic of this argument becomes apparent: young people staying at home with their families before releasing their pressures may have new conflicts with their relatives. More importantly, many young adults report that they frequently arguedemonstrate that they usually have a fight with their families when they go back home after work, and home makes them feel more stressed. This problem becomes particularly evident when we consider that many outdoor activities can be done with families and are appropriate for all family membersappropriate to each family members, like having a picnic in a parkhaving a party on the grass on a sunny day, and going camping in nearby locationsvicinity places with good landscapes. In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, does not carry enough weight to be decisive.

4

In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that outdoor activities are necessary for young people, alongside quality family outings, stands outdoing outdoor activities is necessary for young people, and enjoying outside family moments stands out as the more balanced and practical one.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The essay effectively presents a clear personal stance while exploring both sides of the argument through well-developed main points. However, the overall clarity is diminished by formulaic phrasing, awkward collocations, and recurring grammatical inaccuracies. Focusing on improving word choice precision and refining complex sentence structures will help elevate the academic quality of your writing.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

You clearly address both sides of the prompt and maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.

Next step

Ensure that arguments supporting the opposing perspective are fully explored on their own merits before presenting counterarguments.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0
Scoring rule

Paragraphs are logically organized and ideas progress smoothly across the response.

Next step

Reduce reliance on overly template-like transitional phrases to make the cohesive flow feel more natural.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Scoring rule

A wide variety of topic-related vocabulary is used, though several awkward word choices and collocations affect naturalness.

Next step

Focus on learning precise idiomatic expressions and correct collocations instead of relying on direct translations or complex phrases.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

You demonstrate good sentence variety with complex structures, but grammatical errors regularly occur in longer sentences.

Next step

Proofread complex clauses carefully to correct minor errors in subject-verb agreement, preposition choice, and verb form construction.