Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
In contemporary society, how young people should spendhow should young people spend their spare time is being widely debateddebated popularly. Some people believe that young men should spend more of their spare time staying at home with their families, while others maintain that entertaining outside is more necessary. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view.
To begin with, entertaining outside gives young men a chance to be close to natureclose to the nature, which is beneficial for them to release their pressures and negative emotions, and cannot be replaced by staying at home with their families. In addition, in today’s competitive society, young adults have to face many challenges and difficulties, how to refresh their depressive emotions even influence the relationship between themthey and their families. A growing body of research lends support to the conclusion that among individuals aged 20 to 30among 20-30 aged people with psychological issues in Beijing, the proportion of those whothe number of who do outdoor activities regularly was 30% lower than that of those staying at homelesser than staying at home. Apart from that, going out and doing social activities can also improve young people’s communication skills and help them to buildstructure their self-confidence. Conversely, staying at home with families may make thingsthing worse while some young people have social interaction difficultiessocial interacting issues.
By contrast, staying at home with their families can also have positive impacts on young people. For example, young adults can save more money, energy and time by enjoying their family moments at home. At the same time, many outdoor activities are not suitable for older people or young kids, and make young people feel more tired. However, even though staying at home with families has its advantages, we cannot overlook the negative impacts on young people. When young men cannot release their pressures and negative emotions, they are more likely to have new conflicts with their family members. In order to avoid more conflicts, many young adults choose to stay outside and keep their distance fromkeep distances with their families. Therefore, doing outdoor activities with families seems like a better way to deal with this issue, like having a picnic with the whole familywhole families on the grass on a sunny day, or going camping in nearby locationsat near places with good landscapes. In light of this limitation, the opposing view, while understandable, does not carry enough weight to be decisive.
In conclusion, although this issue remains a matter of debate, the position that doing suitable outdoor activities can satisfy the need for both relaxation and family bonding is convincing.doing suitable outdoor activities can satisfy both relaxed and family moments requirements.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively addresses both sides of the prompt and maintains a clear central position on the benefits of spending time outside. Paragraphs are logically structured, though some cohesive links between sentences remain slightly repetitive or abrupt. To raise the overall quality, focus on eliminating minor grammatical errors, such as pronoun choice and subject-verb agreement, and refine word choices like 'young men' to reflect broader demographic groups accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay successfully addresses both perspectives and presents a clear, well-supported position throughout the response.
Ensure arguments for both sides are balanced in depth before concluding with your chosen perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and main ideas are organised logically into distinct paragraphs with a clear progression of thought.
Use a wider range of transition words to connect sentences within paragraphs more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses an adequate range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, though there is some repetitive and imprecise word choice.
Vary word choices such as 'young men' when referring to young people generally, and refine terms like 'structure self-confidence'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing recur throughout.
Focus on correcting prepositions, pronoun usage, and sentence structure clauses like 'how should young people spend'.