The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The chartsline graphs illustrate the number of male and female workers in various employment sectors of the Republic of FreedoniaFredonia in 1975 and 1995in the year 1975 and 1995. The first point to note is that the highest number of male and female workers were occupied in the public sector and wholesale and retail trade sector in both years.
The non-defence public sector employed the samePublic sector occupied the same number of employees in both years:in both two years that is about 850,000 men and 650,000 women840 males and 640 females in a thousand employee. Wholesale and retail trade sector ranked nextstands close behind with about 700,000 men and 550,000 women650 male and 460 female employees in the year 1975, whereas the order was reversedwhile a slight reverse order in the year 1995 with about 780,000 women and 700,000 men800 females and 650 males per thousand. The manufacturing sector employedManufacturing section consumes almost an equal number of employees in both years with about 650,000 men and 300,000 women600 males and half of its females. Interestingly, almost an equal number of employees in communication sector in the year 1975 with 24% and 25% females and males respectively, changed to its double in female workers and with the same number of male workers in the year 1995. This same trend was shown in finance and banking sector. However, defence public sector occupied the lowest number with about 30,000 women and 220,000 men10 female and 210 male workers out of a thousand workers in the year 1975 and about 100,000 women and 200,000 men100 females and its double male workers in the year 1995.
In conclusion, it is clear from the graphs that, there are fluctuations in the number in both years. But male employees are more compared to females in almost all the sectors in the given years.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several broad gender patterns and includes a useful range of sector comparisons, so the report remains generally understandable. Its main weakness is precision: multiple figures for wholesale and retail are inaccurate, communications data are wrongly expressed as percentages, and some trend claims are too broad. The highest priority is to verify the units and values in both graphs, then select a few exact cross-year comparisons that support a clearer overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers all six sectors and identifies some key gender patterns, but several values, units and cross-year comparisons are inaccurate or insufficiently qualified.
Use employee numbers throughout and verify each selected figure, particularly for wholesale and retail, communications, and finance and banking.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, detail and conclusion give the report an overall structure, but the long central paragraph and vague links make progression within the comparisons uneven.
Divide the details into two focused paragraphs, grouping stable male-dominated sectors separately from sectors where female employment rose markedly.
Lexical Resource
The response shows enough vocabulary to describe sectors and change, but recurrent collocational choices such as "occupied employees" and "manufacturing consumes" reduce precision.
Use conventional chart language such as "employed", "accounted for", "remained stable", and "rose to".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms communicates the main meaning, although agreement, article, plural and clause-structure errors recur throughout.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, especially when stating numbers of male and female employees.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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