The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The graphs comparegive us a brief idea about the various changes that have taken place in six employment sectors6 different employment sectors in Freedonia in male and female employmentbased on the population of both male and female sexes in 1975 and 1995.from 1975 to 1995. Though there isn't a major increase in the overall number of employees, some of the individual sectors showed a notable increase in its work population. The defence sector employed the fewest men and womenhad the least number of men and women and even though there was a modest increase in the number of womenslight variation in the number of women the number of men in this sector remained the same in both yearsremained the same in both the years. Manufacturing at 600 above men, 250 women and public sector apart from the defence at 800 above men and 600 above women in a thousand workers had no significant changes in both the years whatsoever. Most changes had been in the communication, finance and wholesale sectors with a large increase in the number of people from 1975 to 1995 speak out in the volume of the interest of the general public towards these sectors. The communications and wholesale sectorsCommunication and wholesale sector sawhad seen a substantial increasea huge hike in women's employment, which overtook men's in both sectors by 1995the number of women even overtaking men in the process. OverallOn these grounds, I conclude by saying the growth of women's employmentthe prominence of women in employment sectors in Freedonia is evident when the 1995 figures are compared with those for 1975when we compare the graph of 1995 and 1975.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The report's strongest feature is its recognition that manufacturing and the non-defence public sector changed little while female employment rose markedly in communications and wholesale. Its main limitation is imprecise selection and expression: some values and trends are generalized, finance is barely developed, and several sentences are difficult to follow. Prioritize an accurate overview followed by concise, sector-based comparisons of men and women in both years.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies several important stable and changing sectors, but coverage is selective and some claims and approximations lack accuracy.
Compare both sexes with clear figures in the stable sectors and the three sectors where female employment changed most.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves from stable sectors to larger changes, but one dense paragraph and overloaded sentences weaken progression.
Use a separate overview and two detail paragraphs, grouping stable sectors apart from sectors with substantial female growth.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant employment vocabulary is used, but frequent awkward or vague phrases reduce clarity and precision.
Replace expressions such as 'work population,' 'huge hike,' and 'speak out in the volume' with precise employment and trend language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex comparison sentences, but recurring agreement, punctuation, pronoun, and clause-structure errors sometimes strain comprehension.
Break long sentences into controlled comparisons and check plural agreement, possessives, and clause endings before submitting.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.