Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
Playing games isare considered an a way to support mental and physical healthinstrument of sound mental and physical health. The trend of indoor games such as video games is proliferating and gaining popularityfame among all age groups – from adolescents to adults. However, the impact of this trend has come under scrutiny and has been a concern for many. Supporters of such gamesThe protagonists of such games cite that video games are effective educational tools, whereas opponents reject that claimdissenters void that claim by counting numerous demerits of such games. I too believe that video games are harmful activitieslethal trends and have negative repercussions. Some of the disadvantages will be outlined in the following paragraphsin following paragraphs. Firstly, while playing video games, players adopt a sedentary posturedevelop the sedentary position which is harmful to them ergonomically. Additionally, incessant exposure to game monitors could be detrimental to their vision. Other than physical impact, video games also negatively affect emotional and social behaviourimpact emotional and social behaviour negatively, especially into children and adolescents. It can be noticed that the themes of a majority of the video games are prominently based on violent battles, massacres or the destruction of animals and peopleviolent battle, massacre or destroying animal and mankind. Overindulgence into such games makes the young minds of children susceptible to emotional indifference. They may want to emulateThey could like to emulate the destroyers and warriors regarding them as role models. In contrast, enthusiasts point to some benefits of video gamesenumerate some credits to the account of video games. They believe that playing such games helps to improve players' command of technological devicesyour command on the technical gadgets. It is observed that good players are cognizant of the technical knowledgeknow-hows of computers and can monitor the game efficiently. Being good at the video game is a demand for the new generation. Many children complain that they are marginalisedcomplain that are marginalised in the school if they are not up-to-date with the video games, which leads to embarrassment for them. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that video games have far more disastrous impacts that outweigh its positive sides. In order to control this destructive trend, parents, teachers, lawmakers and each individual will have to contribute to instigate awareness that video games should be controlled through age limits and time restrictionscontrolled or terminated.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear position and gives several relevant physical, emotional, and social harms, with a brief acknowledgement of possible benefits. However, the one-paragraph presentation weakens progression, the comparison between benefits and drawbacks remains underdeveloped, and unnatural word choices sometimes obscure the point. Organise the ideas into focused paragraphs and develop one credible benefit before explicitly explaining why the harms outweigh it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear view that drawbacks outweigh benefits and mentions both sides. However, the benefits are brief and the essay focuses heavily on harms without weighing them in a balanced, fully developed way.
Add one developed benefits paragraph, then explicitly explain why the harms are more serious or more common than those benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical sequence, but the essay is presented as one long paragraph, which weakens readability and progression. Some transitions are present, but topic shifts are not visually or structurally controlled.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, physical harms, social/emotional harms, benefits, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows some range, but word choice is often over-formal or inaccurate, including 'protagonists', 'dissenters void', 'lethal trends', and 'credits to the account'.
Prefer precise, natural academic vocabulary: 'supporters argue', 'opponents reject this', 'harmful habit', and 'benefits'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted, and meaning is usually clear. Errors in agreement, prepositions, articles, and clause structure are frequent and sometimes make sentences awkward.
Edit subject-verb agreement and preposition patterns, especially after nouns like 'impact', 'exposure', and 'command'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.