Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
People have argued about the rolefunction of video games. A group of people believe that these digital games are beneficial to peoplebeneficial for mankind, but others think that they would be a distraction to the human minda distraction to human's mind. Although video games have some positive sides, I personally believe that they have more negative effects on our minds, and the following essay will discuss them in detaildetails.
For a number of reasons, a lot of people believe that video games are entertaining and educationaleducative. It is believed that video games could help people relieve stressin releasing their stress. Players could feel the excitement of being a heroic character or a professional athlete, without the riskwithout having the risk of being injured or hurt. Moreover,And then, there are some video games which are considered educationalconsidered as educative as well, as they are created to trigger people's imaginationpeople's imaginative thinking, such as Tetris or chess.
Despite these benefitsDespite the positive side, people do not realise that the games have become a serious problem for individuals and societies. Firstly, many people becomegot addicted to video games, and it has affected their workaffected to their work or study performance. Many workers are losing their focus and productivityproductivities, and some students have poor performance inon their studies due to spending many hours playinga number of hours in playing video games. Secondly, some games depict violencehave shown violence and sadistic scenes and affected gamers' mindsaffected to the gamers' mind. There have been several cases in America, in which studentswhereas students have committed violent actsdone violence acts to their classmates because they were influenced by the game. And lastly, video games have affected residents' healthaffected to residents' health condition as well. People who play video games have the tendency to consume light snacks and do less exercise. Consequently, they have a risk of developing obesity and diabetesgetting obesity and diabetic problems.
In conclusion, video games have its own positive and negative sides, but I do believe that video games have more drawbacks than its benefits.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and develops a relevant comparison, with the drawbacks explored through several logically organised consequences. Its main limitation is persistent imprecision in grammar and word choice, especially verb patterns, collocations, and noun forms, which makes otherwise clear ideas sound awkward. The highest priority is to edit each supporting point for accurate sentence structure and natural phrasing while retaining the effective overall argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparative question directly, maintains a clear position, and supports both sides with relevant explanations and examples.
Develop the claims about violence and health with more precise, qualified evidence rather than broad causal assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with effective overall sequencing.
Use a less mechanical range of transitions and integrate supporting sentences without repeatedly relying on enumerating linkers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as affected to, violence acts, and getting obesity with accurate verb patterns and natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although grammatical errors recur throughout the response.
Prioritise control of articles, agreement, possessives, prepositions, and verb forms when revising complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.