Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
In the era of modernization, video games have been an obsession regardless ofthe gender and age. With the aid of latest technology, young children learnthe young learns to play games as early as one to two years old following in their parents' footstepsfollowing their parents’ steps. Research shows that exposing toddlers to gadgetsexposing gadgets to toddlers can cause negative effects on their developmentnegative effects towards their growth. Thus, we should realise how harmful video games can be if we fail to use them properlyuse it in a proper manner. Video games cause addiction and this can lead to many problems such as responsibility issues. Teenagers usually haveTeenagers, usually have a hard time in doingdelivering their everyday chores once they are stuck in front of the screen. It creates disciplinary problems as they fail to restrain themselves from spending too much time in front of the computer. They beginbegan to neglect their homework and assignments which not only put themselves in jeopardy but also their teammates if the task required teamwork. Furthermore, the vulgarity of certain video games has been proven to be a reason for aggressionthe reason of aggressiveness inside a person. They easily get influenced by the video games as they are cut off from the outside worldcut out from the outer world. This vulnerable group, young adults, isThe vulnerable group - the young adults, is the riskiest group as they are still in their development phase. They have a tendencyThere have the tendency to imitate the improper actions depicted in the video games in their daily life. Besides, health problems are increasing since video games are being introduced. DiseasesDisease associated with bones and body posture seem to have the most drastic changes as people have become less physically active over the last 10 yearsas people are healthier in the last 10 years. Not to mention, most people need to wear spectacles nowadays to help in their vision. I believe thatI believe, that these have got to do with the ridiculous amount of time spent looking at those interactive images. In defence of video gamesComing for self-defence: the self-claimed gamer once said that they manage to improve their English by playing more and more video games. Well, this is partly true as they may learn new vocabulary in a fun way compared with sticking their nosescompared to stuck-up their nose in a dictionary. Nevertheless, it only restricts in vocabulary wise, not in grammar as most of the games use simple everyday English rather than Queen’s English.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear concern about video games and supports it with several relevant drawbacks, including addiction, aggression, and health effects. Its main weakness is that the educational benefit receives only brief treatment and the essay ends without a direct comparative conclusion; absent paragraphing and frequent language errors also disrupt the flow. Prioritise organising the points into distinct paragraphs and closing with a balanced, explicit judgement on why the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly argues that video games can be harmful and gives several drawbacks, but the benefits are handled briefly and there is no final conclusion comparing the two sides.
Add a conclusion that directly states whether the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, and evaluate the educational benefit more fairly before rejecting it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are grouped by addiction, aggression, health, and one benefit, but paragraphing is absent and some transitions are abrupt.
Divide the essay into clear paragraphs and use topic sentences to show how each drawback supports your overall judgement.
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is generally relevant, with addiction, aggression, vulnerable group, and vocabulary, but some collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Use precise phrases such as exposure to screens, take responsibility, violent content, sedentary habits, and limited language benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts a range of structures, but frequent article, preposition, agreement, and clause errors affect fluency.
Focus on correcting prepositions after regardless, effects on, reason for, tendency to, and restrictions to.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.