Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
In the modern world, computers and electronicelectronics entertainment devices have become totally pervasive in our society. Video gamesgame, one aspect of electronics entertainment, has triggered many debates about its positive and negative impact on health and psychology. Several studies have been done and researchers have divided opinionsopinion on the effects of video games on player's health and mentality. In my opinion, the benefits of video games outweighbenefits of video games outshine the drawbacks if a few precautions are takenif few cautions are taken by players in selecting the type of games. Among the bad effects of video games, its impact on health is most debated. Studies suggest that youngsters are spending more time at home than playing outside, which clearly has effects on their growth and development. But with the development of newer technologies, newer forms of games are available in the market, which encourageencourages people to participate actively and physically in different sports. Sony Corporation, for example, has a virtual tennis game where a user needs to play with a computer holding a sensor in his hand which works as a tennis racket. This gives the user a virtual experience of a real game. ItAnd also helps to improve mind and body coordination by letting the user flex his responses. Therefore, the choice of video game and devicechoice of video game and the device make a lot of difference. Another important positive effect of the video game is on brain development and problem-solving skills. online puzzlesOnline Puzzles and number games are increasingly being used by schools to improve thinking capacity of the pupil. Similarly, companiescorporate have training programs designed in form of computer games. This helps to make sure that trainees' focus and interesttrainees focus and interest are maintained and maximum knowledge is passed in a fun filled way. Therefore, video games have a higher degree of positive effects on humanshuman than their negative effect and can be used as a tool for learning and development. But, like any other tool caution needs to be taken in selection and usage.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with relevant examples of active and educational gaming. Its main weakness is the limited examination of drawbacks, compounded by one-paragraph organisation and recurring language errors that sometimes make sentences awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to add a developed concession paragraph on a serious negative effect, then revise paragraphing and noun-phrase accuracy so the comparison is more balanced and easier to follow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion that benefits outweigh drawbacks if games are chosen carefully. It develops relevant points about physical activity and problem-solving, though the negative side is only briefly examined.
Add a fuller concession paragraph explaining one serious drawback before showing why the benefits can still outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical sequence of ideas, but the essay is written as one paragraph and some sentence links are weak or fragment-like.
Use paragraphing and avoid starting standalone sentence fragments with "And" or "But" in formal writing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows range and topic awareness, but there are repeated collocation errors and some imprecise plural/singular choices.
Revise common collocations around technology, research, and learning, such as "electronic entertainment," "divided opinions," and "problem-solving skills."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is understandable and includes complex sentences, but errors with articles, plurals, agreement, and clause structure are frequent.
Proofread noun phrases carefully and make sure every sentence has a complete subject and verb.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.