In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
Remarkably, the proportion of overweight and obese has increased lately all around the world. With a diminution in the exercises and physical rigour, the overall health index of certain countries has been setting new nadir. This essay deals with the causes of it and possible remedial measures to repudiate this fiasco.
Collocating the reasons of people’s overweight and unhealthy lifestyle, technology and the era of digital is most certainly the first one as now the favourite food of people is just a “Click & Buy” away. Not just that, with the upsurge of the digital epoch, the very idea and reflection of making lives easier has indeed made the health conditions unhealthier than ever. A sedentary lifestyle, dormant state, frozen feet and barren body are just some of the deleterious physical effects of it. With a wide plethora of options and alternatives which comes along with the new age, people choose the best ones. Now to keep up with the ever-growing demand and neck-jolting strife grows the inculcation of the tastier and hazardous sweet poisons to the food material. The more people get away with the gustatory aspect of it, the worse they do to their physiologies. Not that people have started to munch on more now, but the major hiatus in the normal functionality is the imprudent binging, unhealthy hogging and inconsiderable eating of all the stuff that majorly make the gut a reservoir of utter unprocessed junk, in a long run. Moreover, the passive lifestyle has only contributed to the deterioration of it, by not at all being able to assimilate the meal and process it any further, which else could have been possible through exercising the muscles.
Coming to the methods and solutions to cope up with the debilitating healthline, cognizing the defilement and impact of such a health regime has to be a foundation to do away with the sedentary lifestyle. Many a time people don’t consider taking a roundabout from the excruciating habits that add to the adversary of health status. Then, keeping distance from the unhealthy food products available outside and focussing on homemade meals should be promulgated. Dining outside and imprudent binging should be halted to a greater extent. Most importantly, including exercises and physical activities are quintessential not just for the morphology of the body but also it keeps up the fluent execution of organs.
Overall, binging processed and unhealthy food and passive routine are the preponderant causes of receding BMI and physical well being. Exercising and diligent food consumption is the most efficacious solutions to elevate that up.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add head noun Original: the proportion of overweight and obese Suggested revision: the proportion of overweight and obese people Why it matters: The adjectives need a noun to identify the group being measured.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: a diminution in the exercises and physical rigour Suggested revision: a decline in exercise and physical activity Why it matters: The revision uses standard collocations for reduced levels of activity.
- 3. Fix article and tense Original: has been setting new nadir Suggested revision: has reached a new nadir Why it matters: “Nadir” needs an article, and “has reached” correctly describes the resulting low point.
- 4. Clarify reference Original: the causes of it Suggested revision: the causes of these problems Why it matters: The demonstrative noun phrase clearly refers to the weight and health problems.
- 5. Use appropriate wording Original: repudiate this fiasco Suggested revision: address these problems Why it matters: “Address” is the appropriate verb for proposing solutions to health problems.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the health conditions Suggested revision: health conditions Why it matters: The plural noun is used generally here and does not need “the.”
- 7. Avoid unclear imagery Original: dormant state, frozen feet and barren body Suggested revision: physical inactivity Why it matters: The original metaphors are unclear and do not accurately name the physical condition.
- 8. Clarify pronoun Original: physical effects of it Suggested revision: physical effects of this trend Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes the unclear reference of “it.”
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: plethora Suggested revision: range Why it matters: “Plethora” already implies abundance, so combining it with “wide” is awkward.
- 10. Fix agreement Original: comes Suggested revision: come Why it matters: The relative verb must agree with the plural noun phrase “options and alternatives.”
- 11. Clarify meaning Original: get away with the gustatory aspect of it Suggested revision: focus on its taste Why it matters: The original idiom does not express the intended emphasis on flavour clearly.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: the worse they do to their physiologies Suggested revision: the more they harm their bodies Why it matters: This wording states the harmful effect clearly and idiomatically.
Suggested Rewrites
- the proportion of overweight and obese the proportion of overweight and obese people
- a diminution in the exercises and physical rigour a decline in exercise and physical activity
- has been setting new nadir has reached a new nadir
- the causes of it the causes of these problems
- repudiate this fiasco address these problems
- the health conditions health conditions
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both causes and solutions and follows a recognisable problem-solution structure, with relevant attention to processed food, inactivity, home cooking, and exercise. Its main limitation is persistently over-elaborate and inaccurate wording, which often obscures otherwise sensible ideas; the highest priority is to express each causal link and recommendation in direct, idiomatic language before adding further detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both task parts are addressed with relevant causes and measures, although some explanations are vague, exaggerated, or insufficiently practical.
Explain each cause-and-effect chain precisely and make the proposed measures specific about who should act and how.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problem-solution paragraph structure is clear, but progression within paragraphs is weakened by meandering sentences and unclear pronoun references.
Use shorter topic-led sequences in which each sentence clearly develops one cause or one solution from the previous sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is an ambitious and varied vocabulary, but frequent misuse of words and collocations makes several statements unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer accurate common academic terms over ornate choices, checking that every noun, verb, and adjective fits its intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts a range of complex forms, but recurring agreement, article, clause-control, and sentence-structure errors reduce clarity.
Build complex sentences from secure main clauses and then check subject-verb agreement and modifier attachment during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.