In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
According to a study, the average weight of people is increasing in few countries, which is, in turn, reducing their stamina and immunity levels. Overweight is always a problem and overweight causes numerous diseases and reduces the fitness.
A healthy human body on an average needs 2000 calories per day. Anymore added calories can cause more harm than good. There are few causes which contribute to this problem. Firstly, the type of foods intake and more advancement in technology is resulting in processed food, which is high in sugar and salt levels. Ready to eat foods like chips, cheese would cause more damage to our digestion system. Secondly, in few countries like India, people eat food at once in large amount instead of eating it in instalments. This habit would result in digestion problems.
Thirdly, proper intake of water is another important factor that many people simply ignore. It is said that 3 litres of water per day can avoid any digestion problems. Lastly, lack of exercise: many people, especially in corporate cultures, spend most of their time in front of the desk. Due to these highly pressurised jobs, they find very less time to take walk for at least 10 minutes. As a result of these reasons, a healthy person becomes obese.
These causes can be counter measured by following a proper diet which includes all food categories like fruits, vegetables, meats instead of readymade food, hydrating our body across the whole day. And finally, walking should be induced in our daily routine for at least 30 minutes. It is said that "Prevention is better than cure ".Though we have time constraints with our busy schedules we have to balance between our routine and health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article Original: in few countries Suggested revision: in a few countries Why it matters: Use “a few” when referring to a small number of countries.
- 2. Word form Original: Overweight is always a problem Suggested revision: Being overweight is always a problem Why it matters: Use the adjective phrase after “being.”
- 3. Correct determiner Original: Anymore added calories Suggested revision: Any additional calories Why it matters: “Anymore” is not correct here.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: type of foods intake Suggested revision: type of food intake Why it matters: The phrase needs a singular modifying noun or “food intake.”
- 5. Agreement Original: more advancement in technology is resulting Suggested revision: advances in technology are resulting Why it matters: Use plural subject-verb agreement.
- 6. Hyphenate compound Original: Ready to eat foods Suggested revision: Ready-to-eat foods Why it matters: The compound adjective should be hyphenated.
- 7. Correct term Original: digestion system Suggested revision: digestive system Why it matters: This is the standard health term.
- 8. Plural form Original: in large amount Suggested revision: in large amounts Why it matters: Use the plural form for a general habit.
- 9. Natural quantity phrase Original: very less time Suggested revision: very little time Why it matters: “Very less” is not natural English.
- 10. Wrong verb Original: walking should be induced Suggested revision: walking should be included Why it matters: “Induced” is the wrong verb for adding an activity to a routine.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: According to a study, the average weight of people is increasing in few countries, which is, in turn, reducing their stamina and immunity levels. Suggested revision: In some countries, people are becoming heavier on average, and this is reducing their fitness and overall health. Why it matters: The rewrite avoids an unsupported reference to a study and stays close to the task.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Firstly, the type of foods intake and more advancement in technology is resulting in processed food, which is high in sugar and salt levels. Suggested revision: Firstly, changes in food intake and advances in technology have increased the consumption of processed food, which is high in sugar and salt. Why it matters: This fixes the subject and makes the cause clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- in few countries in a few countries
- Overweight is always a problem Being overweight is always a problem
- Anymore added calories Any additional calories
- type of foods intake type of food intake
- more advancement in technology is resulting advances in technology are resulting
- Ready to eat foods Ready-to-eat foods
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and measures and includes relevant points about processed food and lack of exercise. Some claims, such as water intake and eating in instalments, are weakly connected to national weight gain and reduce task development.
Focus on the strongest causes, such as diet and sedentary work, and match each one with a practical measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has paragraphing and a generally logical sequence, but some list-like development and abrupt transitions weaken progression.
Use topic sentences that separate diet, lifestyle, and solutions, then make each solution answer a cause already discussed.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for health and lifestyle, but inaccurate collocations and word forms appear throughout.
Learn health collocations such as “food intake,” “ready-to-eat foods,” “digestive system,” “take a walk,” and “include exercise in a routine.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors with articles, determiners, comparative forms, and sentence punctuation are frequent, though meaning is usually clear.
Check article use before countable nouns and use present simple for general facts.