In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
In recent years, there is an increasing trend of obesity among individuals. Overweight is creating several health and fitness related problems. Allow me to analyse the reasons for this issue and possible remedial action. The essay will discuss the possible cause, lack of exercise and the available solution options. Lack of physical exercise attributes as the prime reason for overweight. For example, with the increasing desk jobs and personal comfort, people end up working eight hours a day in front of a computer and travel in the comfort of their personal car. Once they reach home, they spend the majority of the time in front of the television. This lifestyle reduces the amount of physical activity of a person and contributes to their weight gain. Thus, lack of exercise impacts the amount of weight a person gains in a negative way. Increasing popularity of fast food is another major reason for the overweight. People’s choices of tasty but unhealthy foods lead them to gain weight and finally, this food habit creates the obesity problem. Required steps have to be taken to ensure that weights of individuals are in the right ratio per the body mass index; an index used to calculate the appropriate weight for height and weight. Involving in sports related activities and exercise could create wonderful benefits for the body. For instance, football and volleyball are the games that can be played to keep a person fit. Running can also increase the physical stamina of a person. By exercising sports related activities and cross-training activities body weight can be maintained at the correct level. Therefore, improving the duration of physical activities will reduce the overweight gained. To conclude, reduction in the physical activities contributes to the majority of the individual’s weight and health related problems. Indulging in sports activity or joining a cross-training gym is the suggested remedial action to overcome the problem. In coming years I think everyone should spend times to take care of their health by indulging in physical activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense choice Original: there is an increasing trend Suggested revision: there has been an increasing trend Why it matters: Present perfect better describes a recent trend continuing now.
- 2. Wrong noun use Original: Overweight is creating Suggested revision: Being overweight creates Why it matters: Overweight is usually an adjective; being overweight is the noun phrase.
- 3. Hyphenation Original: health and fitness related problems Suggested revision: health- and fitness-related problems Why it matters: The compound modifier should be hyphenated for clarity.
- 4. Formal tone Original: Allow me to analyse Suggested revision: This essay will analyse Why it matters: Allow me is too conversational for IELTS Task 2.
- 5. Plural form Original: possible cause Suggested revision: possible causes Why it matters: The essay discusses more than one cause.
- 6. Verb pattern Original: attributes as the prime reason Suggested revision: is the prime reason Why it matters: Attribute is not used in this structure.
- 7. Unclear phrase Original: personal comfort Suggested revision: convenient transport Why it matters: The example is about cars and sedentary travel, so this is clearer.
- 8. Wrong phrase Original: reason for the overweight Suggested revision: reason for weight gain Why it matters: Weight gain is the natural noun phrase.
- 9. Natural phrase Original: weights of individuals Suggested revision: individuals' weight Why it matters: This is more natural and concise.
- 10. Unclear wording Original: in the right ratio per the body mass index Suggested revision: within a healthy body mass index range Why it matters: This is the natural way to refer to BMI.
- 11. BMI wording Original: height and weight Suggested revision: height Why it matters: BMI uses height and weight to assess whether weight is appropriate for height; the original wording is circular.
- 12. Gerund form Original: Involving in sports related activities Suggested revision: Taking part in sports-related activities Why it matters: Involving in is not the correct pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- there is an increasing trend there has been an increasing trend
- Overweight is creating Being overweight creates
- health and fitness related problems health- and fitness-related problems
- Allow me to analyse This essay will analyse
- possible cause possible causes
- attributes as the prime reason is the prime reason
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses causes and solutions, focusing on lack of exercise and fast food with relevant measures, but some solutions are narrow and personal rather than policy-based.
Add one public measure, such as school exercise programmes, food labelling, or taxes on unhealthy food, and link it to the cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically ordered, but the response is written as one block, and some transitions repeat or preview the essay mechanically.
Use paragraph breaks for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion, with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for health and fitness, though some collocations are inaccurate or repetitive.
Use precise phrases such as sedentary lifestyles, calorie-dense fast food, physical activity, balanced diet, and public health campaigns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex grammar, but errors in tense, articles, agreement, and gerund use are frequent.
Check noun phrases after of and the -ing form after by, and keep present-tense statements consistent.